Okay.. so I'm not so much as going schizophrenic anymore. I still don't know what I'm going to do, or what steps to take. I've decided that I'll just wait it out for now, doing the most that I can do. There's really nothing else to do... looking at the options...
From the looks of things, it sounded like last night Naka had no clue that anything was wrong with Keisuke. Although now, I assume that she does... But it can't be for certain. I emailed her last night just a few lines to see if her email worked still.. and she wrote me back very confused. So I wrote her earlier this morning asking if she knew what had happened to her brother and the decision that had been made. And just now I sent off a more in depth email about things. Naka, is anything, is the last hope. If we lose that.. then I honestly don't know what to say... or do for that matter. Nothing more but waiting. I'm doing my best to be strong. I haven't cut at all.. I haven't made an irrational moves. Of course, I cried myself out on the telephone... and of course I was up earlier than usual this morning contemplating on exactly what I should do next. But I haven't fallen completely into a depression. I'm trying my best to not let this time take me by surprise. I wasn't prepared for it, no, but this doesn't mean I have to make a bad situation out of this. Although I am unsure of how long I can hold up this, " I'll be okay. " Attitude.. before things start to get to me. But already have two things happened differently then the night of September 21st.. the last time he left. I have not inflicted harm on myself.. and Yuuriko has not threatened to kill herself. This is a drastic improvement. It's difficult.. like hell it's all so difficult. They love each other... they confess it.. and now this? I've got to keep a level head.. and I've got to pay attention. Oh if only I had Oracle's number.. or someone who could help me.. but even then if I did who is to say they could do anything.. or even if they wanted to for that matter. I do not know what is going on in all my curiousity and that's what scares me the most. Not knowing of the outcome. Perhaps, light will be shed soon.
Courtney