I should be breaking up by now.. I should be falling apart. Promises are to be held strong I guess then. I haven't done a shred of harm to myself. I'm still shaken. The navigation goddess is lost. I don't know what to do anymore. Keisuke is gone. Gone gone gone gone gone gone gone. How the hell am I going to deal with that? I can't take the path I did before. I can't and won't. He loves Yuuriko. Yuuriko loves him. What the fuck am I going to do?... He's cried.. she's cried.. I've cried... lost everything.. he's taken him back. God... if there could be any more of a tragedy. I believe this rivials Romeo and Juliet.. Damn the fucking world. Damn everything. I don't know what to do?! WHAT DO I DO? DO I CUT MYSELF? DO I WAIT WITHOUT KNOWING?! DO I GO THE NEXT FOUR YEARS IN INSANITY!... oh wait, I've already reached insanity... Depression and miserable feelings consume me now. But we must be strong... we have to be... god... please..... Why can't you understand... just this once... just this fucking once.. let something in my life go right. HE SHOWS NO COMPASSION!. I can't comprehend it.. this... KEISUKE IS GONE! DO YOU FUCKING HEAR ME! GONE! AND NOTHING I CAN SAY OR DO WILL STOP IT. I BEGGED. I PROPSED... god... oh my god... Oh my fucking god... September 21st flies back to me... That vicious razor against skin for the first time. They ask me for hope and I can only give darkness now. I have to find some order.. order order order.. organize my thoughts. I can't go insane this young. I can't die.. this young. I can't stray.. I cant.. please.. Keisuke.. come back.. Please Keisuke.. remmeber.. I've never asked something so great.. Tseng.. god.. please... please please please.. hear me.. hear my cries.. Save Yuuriko.. she doesn't deserve this pain. She deserves his love... she deserves him... Oh... god... oh... I promised you everything if you kept him safe... and how do you reward your followers? In pain and suffering?... Oh...What... am I going to do.. one stop forward makes two steps backwards. Curiousity... goes deeper... then ever before...... I can't.. Please. I need to find reason. Let me find reason here. Let me find a will to go on. Let the happily ever after happen. GOD FUCKING PLEASE! JUST GRANT ME THIS ONE WISH!.. I WANT MY HAPPILY EVER AFTER. Give it to me.. I would die for such a prize.. do you exchange lives for wishes.? For prayers?? Well here's the life of the nonbeliever.. dying in a love I want to exist.
Courtney