Well it certainly has been awhile since we've done this tango, oh pretty diary of mine that now bares the upper body of John Mayer upon it. Makes me love you all the more. Yes, lately I have been in a John Mayer mood more so then usual.. and what cracks me up?? Guess what song is playing on the Music Channel right now?? Yep! You guessed it. Your body is a wonderland : John Mayer. Its 12:37 a.m. and everyone that I know is attempting to sleep or rest. I'm up. Wide awake actually. Surveying the past events that have thrived in taking place these past few days. Doesnt really bother me what has happened and all, just when I get thinking on them, I do get thinking. After almost getting Abducted by two strange males in there ghetto green car friday and living through the rudeness of the MPs I'm doing considerably well. I mean, how would you be? I don't really think about it unless somebody brings it up. I was really in favor of forgetting it in general.. and then the police were brought into the whole ordeal so there was absolutely no way I was getting out of that one. : crosses arms : So yeah. These cuts on my wrist that I catch myself unconsciously looking at lately are starting to fade. They've all healed by now and are starting to make scars. Mistakes that are easily starting to fade... of course they'll never dissapear... they serve as a reminder not to fuck up the same way next time. I don't hide my wrist anymore. . .I don't really see the reasoning. Everybody knows and my mother seems to pretend it exist's... or maybe she doesn't really know. I'm not sure of which, but I'm not too concerned with the matter anyway. My father is rumored to be home from Iraq by the 15th of this month. Curious, very curious. I wonder how he'll take this whole household change.. I mean I'm never home... I'm antisocial.. and I don't really associate with this family. In all honesty though, I doubt that he will care at all. He's just like that. He'll take note of it but will probably pretty much let me do my own thing. My mother swears up and down that when he comes back that I wont be able to stay the way that I 'am.' But little does she know that this is far from the truth. Oh she only sees what she thinks she sees.. never what's really there. If only she'd touch something for once. She keeps dropping pounds, although her mood lately seems to be one of a happier one. I can leave the house and when I come back she seems happy. I think she likes the fact that I actually have a life to tend to right now, something that I think she will never be able to accomplish. I mean, dont get me wrong.. shes got children, a husband, a home... but she doesnt have friends, she doesnt go out, and she reads all day. So yeah... I think thats part of the reason why she doesn't get on my case too much about being gone. Its because for the past year before this she used to complain about my life living solely of the existance of this wonderful machinery called the Computer. ( god, have I ever mentioned how I love this baby? : pets her computer : ) So basically it would be wrong and not to mention confusing if she went back on her word and told me that I needed to stay home for once. So yeah, I suppose that she'll be perfectly happy when I find my balance.. which I myself am still looking for. I go to the ortho tomorrow. Getting the layout of the land for the metal that is set to go in my mouth. Which kind of puzzles me. What species would ever think to go against your genetic make up, torture you by moving bones with metal, and making you do it for years at a time. Gets one to think, doesn't it? Oh I can see this is going to be a year long war with the metal wires and my mouth...But thank god it's only 12 months. 3oo and some odd days. Fuckers. Music lately is having a great effect on my moods....and I love that. I want to be happy?? Turn on happy music. Kind of cliche... but who cares. Its what I'm going through right now. I apologize for neglecting this little corner of my world as well... just so many things lately.. Highschool being the normal hell it is, Friends, Homework, The whole abducting situation, Ian's sleepover, Having Stacy stay the night... I've been so preoccupied it's taking a moment at 12 in the night for me to sit and collect my thoughts. I had so many ideas for things that I was going to do tonigh but I never got around to doing. Thoughts count for something dont they? Atleast I had the thought about doing these things. Wow.. I'm not usually up on the internet this late. I wonder what in the world this occasion is. I have to get up at like 7:00 tomorrow. Stupid ass bitches at the ortho again. May they rot in there own rich hell they make off from many familys with genetically fucked up teeth...Well... Brant popped online and then popped off again. I wonder what that is all about. : sighes and leans back in chair : Who knows. Tension lately between 'The Family.' Has been high. I believe that a dispute is going to break out soon.. at the fixed rate that gossip is spreading....somebody should intervene before it does get nasty. And of course I believe this somebody might have to be me. There's shit simmering between Mark and alot of people... and then Erika feeling like she's not a part of 'us.' Hrm. :thinks: This could be particularly messy. But yeah, I'm just tip toeing around for now. Listening to The Boys of Summer at the moment... Atari style, Mind you. Contemplating on memories long past. Round about the ones with Ian. When I thought that he was such a great guy. Older, Mature, had everything going for him. Then I met him... and I destroyed that with my own destructive thinking.. and then of course seeing reality. Ive come to realize that In a lot of people that I know I only stratch the surface for the first few weeks... and I dont dig deeper unless you give me a reason. That bothers me about myself. I think I'll put that on the 'Selp Improvement' list... ( I can tell you my love for you will still be strong after the boys of summer will be gone. I can see you your brown skin shining in the sun... ) Such a great song... Yep. Well I suppose I should find a catchy way to end this.
You might be asking where Tory is tonight?
Courtney