Well this entry is going to piss more then a few people off.. but hey, it's what the doctor ordered. I have been ordered to finally express all angry feelings that I have been holding inside and I'm taking the Doc. up on this one.
Mark. I don't really know how to express on how I feel about how things have gone/are going/will be going. There are just somethings that maybe shouldn't even be said, but I will say them because they need to get out in the open. I wont say for even one minute that I never doubted that you had an attraction for guys. In a way I do feel like perhaps you aren't 100% gay and sometimes I feel that maybe you are 'scamming.' Erika and myself. Now maybe Erika doesn't mind this or may not even see it... but I really dont think you can kiss a girl and be gay. It just doesn't work that way, buddy. And I'm still kind of annoyed about Amber, Gabe, Tabetha.. blah blah blah. Whatever. At this school there's this goddamn unwritten rule that get's into everyone's face at one moment or another. You can only truly have one group of friends without the other being jealous of the other. It just doesn't work like that, either. I know it sounds unfair and I know it makes me sound like a bitch but SO FUCKING WHAT?! YES THATS RIGHT! So what. I don't care because it's the truth and if I don't tell you... everyone else will let you skate by. You can go days without associating with me and then beg me to settle something with your mother..... I just dont get you. Know that I'm not too happy with you right now but we can still talk. I'd love to talk.. but shit.. after getting this out I feel alittle better. Just know Mark, People are picking up on you... whether you know or not. Okay? Good.
Ian. Heh. Yeah you again. What I said in my diary yesterday was true. Get over it. Know that you do not need me. I dont need you. Whether we remain friends is both of our call. Just know that you cant live in a small family and avoid somebody... it just... ( sorry for the repeativeness ) doesnt work THAT way. So... look. Stop bringing things up. Stop thinking about us. Stop stop stop stop stop! It saves alot of time. You may have had control over what I did with myself before.. but you dont now. Nothing annoy's me more then when you try and tell me that I can or cant do something... how to do something.. or blah blah blah. Shut the fuck up... I dont really care anymore. I'm not obliged to listen to your opinion. I know this is going to hurt, but you've got to know about it.
Well thats enough bitching tonight folks. I'm out.
Courtney