Curiousity's Remedy
Desperation appears as her head is put to rest
Sigh works its way up through her chest
Hands clutched to bedding, curled up tight
Wondering what dreams will seek her tonight
Sheep count her this time, falling into a unconcious spell
Lips closed infinitely to secrets that she'll never tell
Eyes wander upward to gaze at that star
Never to realize she'd fall so far
Turning sides, body folds inward now
Hoping that good things are what her dreams allow
Fingers slip under matress, just to check
Feeling instruments of infliction, covers are raised to neck
And odd feeling of comfort she constantly has to use
More frequent curiousity filled nights with her wrist's to abuse
And inside she knows that it's of her own decision
Wondering perhaps if she goes deep enough, she'll find a vision
Truths to her doubts, confirmation to the unknown
Gripping tightly to the edge of this world she's been thrown
But really, there's no one she can ultimately blame
Except herself, who drug herself in this game
Nights like this when she can find regret
In questions that she doesnt know the answers to yet
The unknown is just too heavy, she's caving in
Fingers curling under matress for something to break skin
To relieve the pressure of things she can't understand
A sigh can escape with that razor in hand
Angry tears stream down her face
Wishing she was gone, far from this place
Not wanting the further unknown of death
Just wishing the world would stop and allow her to take a breath
Swirling in a pool of self made slashes
Drowning her questions in strawberry gashes
Eyes stare in horror at what mind's made her do
Blood draining from wrists, a glittering crimson hue
Strangely it seems that nothing matters right now
She's in control, those questions to her, must bow
But only too soon to just fade away
And leave her desperate to cut the very next day
A vicious cycle of something she can barely comprehend
Needing some closure for a goodbye that's not the end
Curiousity within her mind is perhaps just too vast
Cant remember the date that she was happy last
Just push it all away, make it not come back
Cut away a part of her that she knows she lacks
But in the abyss of it all she simply didnt realize
That the eventual ending would take her by complete surprise
A promise was kept and love would reunite
Dropping blade to the floor, gone the inner fight
This craving that haunts her for her own blood
Questions that are answers circle in a flood
Crimson drops lain upon white tiled floor
Frustration as that inside voice asks for more
Shaking head she just can't give in again
Knowing those answered questions have her to defend
Breathing inward she's put those haunting tools away
To perhaps need them never for another day
Begging for someone to try and understand
This depression was completely unplanned
But much has changed now, the need no longer there
Finally ontop of a game that's never played fair
Guiltless are all in the game who play along
Knowing inside that her choices of self infliction were wrong
A sigh holds through as a new horizon breaks the day
This was all the cost of what she knew she would eventually pay
CTS ---- 04
[ Poem I wrote a few months ago... about myself between the months of September-November. : nods and looks away : I'm not proud, but rather happy it's over. ]