I want to express so many things in here right now, but I don't know if I'm allowed to yet. Not on my own accord, but as far as things with Stacy go. If she knows or not that is. Of course, if I get ahold of her and discover that she doesn't, then I will more then fix it. I emptied myself of all my lies and deciet this morning.
So tomorrows entry will be a gigantic recap on everything that I've been leaving out in this diary. Yet another thing about myself that's changed and I do not like. That was the main reason for doing what I did. I was being to unlike myself, not to mention the fact that it was affecting me so much I was actually being threatened by those closest to me... that I either changed it or that would be the end of me and them. And of course, I will and always will avoid at all cost such a heafty decision on their part. It's something that would kill me. That is my one large piece of black mail right there. I would do absolutely anything to prevent from them leaving. And that is that.
My Mom is already talking about packing and putting everything into boxes this week. I found out that I might be exempt from my Computer Applications, English, World Regions, and Biology exams. ^^;; Yes, this means less procastination studying I have to do. These last two weeks will be a lot to myself time, because I need to get my head clear and my thoughts straight. I keep on trying to remember, " It's coming soon, It's coming soon. " Honestly I want to get the hell out of dodge. Being here is killing me more and more. But it's something I'll have to suffer. Georgia has more to offer for me than this place could ever dream of trying.
I realized, I get my permit this summer. ^^;; Mm. Yay! I think that this year around I'll just have my Mom order some Jrock CD's online. That would be gravy, instead of my having to rip of my beloved prettiful asian Jrock artists from Kazaa, I will have the actual CD! Wee. That would be nice, no? The weirdest thing happened today.. let me tell you.
It's a known fact when Courtney gets bored in class, she thinks of lyrics. The most engraved lyrics into her mind are off the Queen of the Damned cd. Most of the time I end up writing the lyrics down paying no mind to it. We all know that the lyrics in most of the songs and the content of the songs in general seem very disturbing for those who don't understand the concept behind it. Curse words and talking about killing, seem to be the sum up from the untrained Ricean. I usually get bored the most while in Social studies, where I tend to write lyrics down. So in a divider in my Social Studies notebook, I write whatever song comes to mind at the moment. When doing this I failed to realize two very important things.1) I have to turn this notebook in to the teacher. and 2) The image of me the Teacher has is not one of a girl who would listen/write about such things.So yesterday, I had to turn my notebook in for a grade. [ Which I made a 98% on, by the way. XD The neat freak in me, I'm telling you. ]Today I walk in class and the bell rings, my social studies teacher starts to hand back notebooks. He saves mine for last and then asks me, " Can I speak to you outside the room? "
At this point I am freaking out inwardly, for it is totally unlike me to have done something wrong, caused a disruption, or any of the sort. I step outside, and he starts to flip through my notebook.
" I read some poetry of yours that I thought was very disturbing. It troubled me a little bit. "
I pause for a moment. I don't write poetry in that notebook...
He flips to the divider..
" I dont think that these.. words.. this content.. is very appropriate.. "
" What wor-... Oh! Those, Sir, I'm sorry, those are not my words. Lyrics, from songs. I'm sorry... I'll remove them immediately... "
" I should send you to guidance for this sort of thing. You sound like a very angry and hostile person in these words Courtney. I'm confused. You're a young woman who's very balanced and proper. I never imagined you'd write something of this content. "
" Sir, they're not mine!--"
" I should send you to guidance.. I should send you right now."
" I'll remove it immediately.. "
" Alright. If this happens again I will send you down."
"Yes, sir.. "
:laughs and dies: And that was that. He seemed to think I wanted to Kill people and wanted them to Die from the content of the lyrics.. I had to write every bad song didn't I?!
Courtney