Tremendous recap that I am officially allowing myself to put in here.
From April the 21st to May the 12th, Brant High and Courtney Smith were friends with benefits. Although this doesn't exist anymore, it did then.
It was a large secret that was kept from Stacy on her behalf, so that it wouldn't depress her farther. But eventually, on my part, I caved in to making people lie for me. I couldn't lie myself anymore. The person I was becoming was so unlike myself.
And even though, I won't lie here, I enjoyed every moment with Brant... every kiss, every hand hold, every hug... it was the most difficult relationship that I've tried to persue to this date.
It was I who initiated everything, writing the first letter and so on. For memory sake I tried keeping another diary, here to preserve whatever things happened. Of course that didn't work out too well. If I couldn't write it directly into this journal then I didn't want to write it at all. I am more the happy to be back, without lies... from Stacy, the world, and my little diary.
Today was a hectic hell, Stacy seemed to cry and sob a lot, even though I told her to honest to god truth last night. :shrug: Whatever. I guess it's her proagative to do what she would like.
I miss Brant slightly, but I know that it wouldn't work out anymore. Not to mention, these people are as bad for me as I am for them. :nods: So there's really nothing more to do then to severe the tie. I've lost a friendship and a romantic relationship in the process. But it was a needed sacrifice.
Yep, I've just tasted my first bitter-sweet taste of the Highschool world. Filled with reciepes of deciet and cruelty, you're welcomed whole heartedly without forgiveness. Interesting. But as I cannot express enough, I am happy to be out of that little love triangle I placed myself in.
Moving soon. Like real soon.. really really soon. Hmm. Georgia, here I come.
Exams are next week.. I'm nervous.
I could actually use a pizza right now.
Damn.
Courtney