Once upon a time, there was a girl. This girl pictured her life ruined from the moment she understood concepts of life. Her real father had run out on her when she was only 15 months, resulting in feelings of not trusting anyone again. Her Mother and Step Father fought infront of her when she was young, resulting in her getting horrible flashbacks when anyone yelled at her, or she at them. All of her friends were never truly obsessive like her, resulting in alienating herself to be like them. She started changing from who she was.. to who she didn't want to be. Morales were changed and twisted. Judgment was distorted. She just wanted to be loved. And loved indeed she would never be. One day, a boy who swore he loved her for her. Jumping the gun like a sign of hope for once she took the oppertunity. It only spiraled further downward in who she didn't want to be. Drugs, abuse, anger, and gangs soon filled her life. She struggled nightly between who they wanted to be and who she was inside. Then finally, one shove, one slap. A slap that woke her up. It only took one to realize who she was. A slap back to reality. A slap out of anger. She wasn't being who he wanted her to be. It was impossible. She walked away and changed once more. Unloveable by herself and everyone else. Following back to a few good friends thats all she could ever depend on. She changed into a submissive fragile soul. Afraid. Cold. Lethargic and indifferent. She started drowning out the world with music, and counter acting everything with something black. To be loved was all she wanted. She became a hermit and found a world through people she had never met. People who would listen and love her. Her friends hated when she did this. Blocked them out, ignored them, lived in an alternate universe. A place where someone could love her. She wrote her feelings down on paper, her heart bleeding for all to see. Poems as they call them. Then...another day. She had been captived. Taken a fancy. Time seemed to stop and all emotionless thoughts ceased. His arms around her. Afraid. She gave it her everything. Trials and tribulations...Happiness was right in the clearing. She could see it. She could grasp it. She could cry. Someone to think about, someone to worry about...someone to spend her days with. All she wanted... was to be loved.
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Courtney