Today was a natural high. ^.^ Really, no lie this time. Besides my continous conflict with my Mother, I was racking up the points in my happiness casino world. That was until Mom yelled at me for not informing her of my plans, told me basically the dryer breaking was my fault ( after kicking it, believing that it would come back to life.. ), and just telling me to go away period. I really don't like her this way. It scares me...as in...oh I'll skip the tramatic childhood story that I always seem to carry on my sleeve. Basic run through. Parents used to fight when I was little. She'd get really impossible like she is being now. I was scarred by that in places that will never truly heal. Her telling 'Fuck You' To my face was never a plus in my world..and its seeming to only go down hill from there. I dont want pity, I just want someone to point out exactly who is in the wrong in this situation. But of course, I'm only 14 ( and short.. ) so my opinions, wants, and needs are absolutely ignored by all who are over 30. Wonderful feeling. But back to my happiness. I really don't mean to point out what a great day I had and then shove at you, my beautiful readers, everything that was horrible about it. So I'll get to the happy parts and maybe I can forget how sadistic my Mother is being to me. I bought Ian the book that he's been wanting for awhile for his birthday, ( which in fact is tomorrow. ^.- ) and he was really happy with me. That sorta brightened my mood that I could push away his lethargic indifferent mood that he said that he has been going through. I pay attention to these things. My reasoning and logic for getting him that book completely. Oh Yeah. Score for me. Anyway. We walked around Pierce for awhile..just 'meandering' as it was labeled. I enjoyed it, considering I really never go outside. ( I am in love with the idea of becoming like Emily Dickinson. <- Sp? Hermits are the best kind of people. ) I got bit by bugs, Bit my Ian. Oh yeahhhhhh. I'm trying to identify my feeling at the moment. Its laying somewhere inbetween. I just question this.. 'How can a person have such a high and happy moment of a day and then hit rock bottom within the same frame of time?' 15 brownie points awarded to anyone who can give me an answer other then, "Thats life." I'm missing my regular talks with Cande. We talk about everything from Gackt ( The androgynous work of art.. ) to Child Labor Laws. >D I haven't talked with her on the phone in awhile..and I'm not seeing her as often. Its beating me up and Im trying not to let it. I promised you a longer entry a few days back, so your getting it. Sit back and endure. Did you know that I'm allergic to Silver and Mosquitoes? Didn't? Now you do. Heh. Thought I'd state that here while I am itching myself raw even though in all logic that is impossible because I bite my fingernails. :shakes head: I got a really bad reivew at Utter-Views. Hrm. I guess that just means I need improvement. I'll remember that next time. I'll deal. Moving onward now. This entry is so out of wack. Talk to you when the sun rises once more.
Courtney