Forgive me my dearest readers, I have been away from you far longer that I ever had in intention to be. My computer has currently being going through a bout of 'sickness' and is to be restored, or 'taken in' on Monday. My only hope is that it gets taken care of soon...because being alone for so long has made me think on alot of things that I wouldn't normally think on, unless absolutely bored out of my mind...but for the past three days. . It has been just that. I'm more aware now, about how people have an affect on other people, and how me as a person fit within all this chaos. I understand now how emotions can change from one to another so quickly without a second thought. I know now how fast people can feel betrayed, hurt, depressed...suicidal...without even having that in mind in the start of there day. This experince has opened up my eyes, to know that a person cannot be all about material things. That is the most make up of my life. I base my world around obsessions and things that I can have to make me happy. Truly in the end they do somewhat make me smile, to be able to recall facts about a certain topic, or to have said that I know about something, or have a particular interest deeply in something. I work my loved ones in around that. But truth be told? Most of my loved ones have been founded through my obsessions and materialistic frames of mind. And those who do not share my obsessions were in on it from the beginning. . . before I was truly defined as a person. But what does it matter? Those who have been with me since the beginning are starting to become so different than me. If I have not been able to evolve them into atleast one of my deep interest, then they have become distant. I know how unfair this is...I know over and over how wrong it is. But really. When it all comes apart, and the threads start to unravel...My character make up is based on things that I love and know. And if you as a person do not love and know something that I do. . .It makes things ten times harder then it would usually be. Of course you didn't know this when first becoming friends with me. Honestly?! Who would have befriended me with that knowledge? Like it was some sort of a cult or groupie thing of that nature. These past few days alone without those who I have Known from the 'beginning' have made me open many things that I thought I could never and would never talk about. How wrong I was.
Courtney