Well well well. Its time for another entry to roll around. Sit back kiddo's..because I've got quiet alot on my mind. Which is both good. and Bad. Take your pick, buckle your seatbelts, and enjoy your movie.
My Dir en Grey group got another Shinya. One that I have to say that I'm proud to have. ^^;; Great Rping skill, and beautiful detail. Thats the aspect of last night that was lightening. But I want to get all the good out before I toss and turn over the bad part. About 10:30 - 12:00 I got to talk with Cande on the phone. >D It was great. We went on and on about everything. It was so hilarious. I need to do that more often. Laughter is lifes favorite placebo. ^-^ I also stayed at the YMCA again yesterday. Nice to sit at a computer and rot away. . .But now moving onto what got me so low. My mother totally and absolutely forgot I existed. She went off..and she went to the block party without me. Then later when I saw her at home...she had the nerve to ask me. "Are you mad at me?." I just sighed and replied with. "I dont want to answer that. I want to go to sleep happy." It ended like that..and it was enough to make my stomache churn. My mother and I rarely have misunderstandings..but..:sighes: Enough. This really isnt that big..Im not going to blow it up into perspective so the whole world can see what my problem is. Again, moving on like a subway train. Only a few more days until my birthday. And I'm just...I'm like 'wow' really. :shrugs: It seems not to be such a big deal..but then again..Sometimes I have to wonder. Highschool starts Aug. 6th. And Im going crazy inside..afraid that someone is going to eat me. x.x :sighes: Only if I could go to Stonewall highschool. But even after wishing on stars every night it never happens. I dont think that I'll never have friends who understand me in real life. They'll only be through the internet. And of course when I leave to live with Cande. That will be the best thing that I can ever imagine. But theres so many things that I have to do before I can just run off irresponiably like that. - insert big sigh - Shinya mun is my age. ^_^ That makes me happy not to be alone once more.
Im really ready to just go home now. Really. x.x :sighes: Its hard to explain. But I miss my bed. I miss my room. I Miss myself. I miss being able to be with myself...perfect and destroy it all over again. My Memere and Pepere think that Im anti-social with them. And really..its not that. Its just...I dont know really. Its hard. Frustrating..Depressing. All that lot. Its hard to pull myself out of sometimes. I really just dont feel like talking. Someday Hrm. I wish that all my days were somedays. And I leave you with a quote that I read on the Marilyn Manson site today -
"Keep your fingers crossed, and your legs open."
Courtney