I haven't had such a lack of diary entries in such a long time. I don't really know what the reasoning is. I should probably mark down the significant things that have been happening in my life. Perhaps I am finally falling away from diaryland? I hope not, this place has always been my sanctuary. It's a shame to think that this precious thing might be coming to a close. But what more of an excuse do I have other than, " I don't have the time anymore. "
Although the latter very well be the reason. Lately I've been struggling to find time for everything I want to do. My online life has suffered greatly. I'm trying to find a balance. Yuu called me fake the other day. I called her at 5 o' clock the next morning to inquire about it. It turned out tbe just one of her moods. But, strangely, I thought she really meant it because I felt fake. Lately being here I dont know how to feel. I dont know how to act. I feel fake. But it turns out for the most part it's all in my head. But what I'm most concerned about is my online life. I have a few people who are getting really upset with the factor of my dissapearing act lately. I'm trying my hardest to balance my time-- so that's about as good of a job as I can do at the moment. Anything more would be stressful and anything less would be pitiful.
Things between Worth and myself have been awesome. We had our first kiss today. I can't begin to explain the situation at the moment. Just know that I'm content with what I have and I wouldn't change it for the world. Perhaps for my friends if it eventually ended up getting in the way-- but truth be told, Worth and I have been getting disturbingly close in a short amount of time. It's leaving me almost paranoid like I'm ready for him to leave me. I feel wrong for telling him certain things about myself knowing he could use them against me. But no, he isn't like that. So perhaps this will turn out in the end for the better.
Atleast I dont hate school so much anymore.
Although this has made me somewhat more of a slacker.
I have some friends and boyfriend. Yes, being here isn't so horrible anymore.
My grandparents are coming this upcoming Thursday. As horrible as this sounds I'm wishing for a computer. I'm so tired I'm about ready to zonk out. I know this update is a pitiful one-- but I need to find inspiration, time, and motivation to write in this diary anymore.
Courtney