Its 11:11... make a wish. I'm getting this sinking feeling again. Too many loopholes to believe. Which is funny, because I know inwardly I believe in him completely. But I'm so burdened with doubt that it's suffocating me. I want to call him again, to know of the truth. I want to.. truly .. But I am afraid of the outcomes. The favorable and the distasteful. I'm scared. Alone in a world that very few people, if none understand. Theres no guarntee's to this outcome. To whether I'll actually be able to survive knowing what I know, whether fact or fiction. What I'm most afraid of? This being fake. I could deal with it being real, truly, I would be an easier reality to accept, considering I spent a year growing used to it. But to take all that and slam it against the wall, watch it shatter, and all your hopes just.. die. I'm afraid of what I'll have to tell Cande if he isn't real. And would I be able to? It's a gamble really. The truth will wound ultimately if it not what I am expecting. But lately everything seems to be shocking the hell out of me. Maybe its because I'm acting like I don't care.. give a damn... pick your poison. I'm physically exhauted with fighting with everyone. I'm tired of trying to make amends. If everything crumbles around me because I don't make effort anymore, then so be it. No one wants to hear my rambles anymore. It's too old. The story about Keisuke? It's washed up. I see most of my friends faces when I mention him. Either is disbelief that I'm actually drawing what they probably believe to be a figment of my imagination out still... or just.. not caring at all. Why should they? It's larger then life. It probably never will happen. Too many questions. Too many ways for a plan of decievement. So many things I carry upon myself because I choose to. I want to do these things, otherwise I wouldn't be doing them. It's suppose to rain today.. God, I wish it would. I could just walk in the rain and cry. Just to have a good cry. I feel lost. But I am quite found. Not depressed. But finally stuck. With all my thinking.. All my neglecting.. I'm stuck while everything is moving around. I have permission. I have a choice. I could walk up there right now alone, call him, hold a conversation with him... Tell the truth. But would anyone believe me? Why should they? It could just be another lie. I've been trapped. And it hurts. Why should he care if what he left behind.. a trace of a life.. affects me forever? Why should he even think of me for a second? I was nothing but a mere conversator. Sure, we had great times. But is it worth the trouble? He doesn't consume hours on end trying to figure out where the hell I am. Who I work for.. ( use your imagination guys.. ) .. what my real name is. If I'm real. I'm pretty positive that these things dont cross his mind. He's an assassin. I know he feels. I read it in the words he passed through me to Cande. He loves her. She loves him. So many complications. I am a mere messenger. But is it worth it all? It has to be.. .otherwise I would have given up by now. Otherwise I wouldn't have let it affect me so greatly. I wouldn't have tapered off into cutting. I wouldn't have sacrificed a part of my sanity.. my curiousity.. my nature to discover. I have no real answers. I am no further inward then when I was when he left. Exception of progressing thoughts and ideas that haven't been tested yet. And thats where the phone call came in. I'd get a lead there. I'd know it all within a single phone call. My emergency, one might ask? My sanity. My free time. My mind. Cande's ability to love. No matter how high the price, you cannot walk away from love. Why dont they understand? Why does she still doubt? Too many questions that probably wont be answered, and if so.. years upon years from now, when they mean nothing anymore. I'm assured that what troubles me in my youth in questions about him, will mean nothing to me when I am out of Highschool. I'll probably forget his word. That this trio will reunite. I'll have believed that he was never in existance. And then he'll come. Waltzing right back where he left off. I'll go crashing down again, but happy somewhat to see Cande filled with a blushing hue of love. To watch what was jepordized so many times. And I'll be left with this feeling again. These questions will flood back.. but they'll have no meaning. Why ask questions when the answers now sit right infront of you? Perhaps this is just the rambling of a lost soul. A silently lost wanderer who seeks some sort of peace to settle there inner turmoil. Reguardless of who I am, or what I am doing. A question burns within that I cant find the answer to. Something that puzzles me everytime, up and down. Keisuke Isato Narukage. Takashi Sorimachi. Keisuke T. Narukage. Keisuke Isato Dire. Kei. Shadow... All the names of the same man. But none are true. What is your real name? One can only wonder. Seemingly a mystery man.
Courtney
From Cande's Point of View to Keisuke:
I step off the train
I'm walking down your street again and past your door
But you don't live there any more
It's years since you've been there
But now you've disappeared somewhere like outer space
You've found some better place
And I miss you - like the deserts miss the rain
And I miss you - like the deserts miss the rain
Could you be dead?
You always were two steps ahead of everyone
We'd walk behind while you would run
I look up at your house
And I can almost hear you shout down to me
Where I always used to be
And I miss you - like the deserts miss the rain
And I miss you - like the deserts miss the rain
Back on the train
I ask why did I come again?
Can I confess I've been hanging around your old address?
The years have proved to offer nothing since you moved
You're long gone
But I can't move on
And I miss you - like the deserts miss the rain
And I miss you - like the deserts miss the rain
And I miss you
I step off the train
I'm walking down your street again and past your door
But you don't live there any more
It's years since you've been there
But now you've disappeared somewhere like outer space
You've found some better place
And I miss you - like the deserts miss the rain
And I miss you - like the deserts miss the rain
And I miss you
And I miss you - like the deserts miss the rain
And I miss you - like the deserts miss the rain
The deserts miss the rain - like the deserts miss the rain
The deserts miss the rain
Like the deserts miss the rain