Today has been a very tense day. I've no idea why.. or in many parts how. I just really want to relax and wind down. Everyone in my house seems to be high strung and getting so upset with someone over the littlest things. This in turn, always puts me in a mood where it's like I'm freaking out over the smallest thing.
Again, I'm bitching in here about not spending time with Cande. It just makes me wonder what the heck is wrong with me. I should be more paitent.. but we all know how I hate to be alone. So okay, here I am again, alone. There was more progress on the Spring Break plans but ugh.. as good as an advancement might be, I really hope that she doesn't only stay for three days. ._. That would rip me in inside.. but perhaps it would hurt more if she didn't come at all? I don't know. I'm wondering more and more If I'm getting to a point where I can't be happy for anything. I mean.. MY MOM SAID YES ABOUT SPRING BREAK! THE PLANS ARE ACTUALLY GOING TO HAPPEN! Shouldn't I be happy about that instead of focusing on the fact that now the visit might only last three days?
My mom is sitting there in her chair reading.. I asked her earlier if she wanted to actually take part in my life and help me dye my hair. She complained about how her stomache was hurting and that she'd help me later on tonight. Then she went back to reading her book. Here it is, later on tonight, and If I asked her I wonder what the excuse would be this time? No, I'm sorry I'm just too tired. Courtney! Stop bugging me, wait until I feel like it.. She complains about me never asking her to do mother and daughter like things with her, here's the chance.. and now look. It's like I'm going around in circles. To kick this constant feeling of tension for the day, I started cleaning me room.. I cleaned out my closet, re folded my clothes, sorted my laundry, swept, threw away old clothes and other odds and ends I didn't want/need anymore, and several other things. But here I am now.. and I'm just tired. I want to spend the rest of tonight talking to Cande or Kei. But Kei is tired beyond reason and took a nap.. and Cande will probably get on, stay for awhile, and go because she's tired as well. And that would leave me with what? No one. Being alone. Again. I'm trying to hang in here. I guess I should go now and post before Naka starts beating me over the head. >D She's so cute and I should stop neglecting the posts anyway.
Courtney