Today has been like most every current day that has come and passed. I roll out of bed, check the clock, decide on whether to push myself into the shower or not, poke my contacts into my eyes, stumble down the stairs, check the mail, and hop on the computer. I live such an exciting life, really. I am a person of habitual routine. Lately has been rough. I've been trying to decide on what I should do about certain situations. I am clearly to far from someone to help them, so I sit around and pray they listen to what I tell them. But again I'm so young that I doubt anyone would listen to what I tell them, even if it is right, simply because...What? Listen to someone younger then you? What a dent into someones pride. I am bored. I've become so bored that now I cannot sleep at night. I was restless. Almost every three hours I found myself peering through the darkness at my alarm clock that stands out bleakly through my blurred vision. My dreams are becoming less and less obvious. My lying habit has seemed to pick up again. I've been in a writing mood lately. I posted one here just a few days ago. I wrote another last night. I was reaching my breaking point. I conversated with Heather for a moment or two yesterday. She explained to me about her group and then told me she'd do me a favor. Shes going to ask her Doctor if I'd be alright if I slipped in for awhile. I have alot of unsaid depression that I myself have been lying and hiding from. The further away I shove it, the better I can help other people. I am throughly concentrated on helping everyone else before myself. I am afraid that perhaps If I neglect my problems for too long they will become to tangled to deal with. But I am afraid even at all to fix them. What if they are unfixable? What is to become of me then. :sighes and shakes head: I'm not really to sure on what I can do about this. I just hope that I can have someone help me help myself before its too late. Does that make sense? I've also been working on a story. It's quite good actually, coming along better then I assumed it would. Ill post it here in a few days when I work up the courage.
Courtney