Morning to all who seem to be reading this little corner of my world as I've so amusingly started to call it. I get out of school early today which is going to be viewed as a plus and a negative. Plus : HEY! Im getting out of school early. Negative : It's earlier that I have to show my mother my midterm. Hrmm. But all will be okay. I've no real fear of groundation. After all this will be the first time in the History of all my life that I am going to get grounded for my grades. But I'm glad that it's only midterm and I do have room to shape up. I know that I've been slacking off lately.. and with the bouts of depression that I've drug myself through.. motivation and caring seemed the least of thoughts. But I'm back just in time to clean up the mess I've made before it gets too dirty.. and to catch the punishment for not being obedient. But I know atleast this time I've earned my grounding. I don't really know what she's going to do....like I said, this will be the first time that I'm in trouble for grades. Mmmhmm. I'm going to try and push mom BIG time after school to go up to the Hospital and schedule me an appointment with the Counselor's/group/therapist's... which ever suits your fancy. She already gave concent two days ago for me to go, but now she's procrastinating about it. I can't let her do it. I need it .. .. I really do. I don't need things to be wrong with me when there's nothing to be wrong about... I dont need to make myself unhappy... ( which I've gotten successful at doing lately. ) And first and FOREMOST!! People shouldn't have to be frustrated by me. Lately, I've been fucking people's night's up.. calling them with my problems... trying to find a solution through them. I came not to a solution, but to another problem. Burdening those who mean most to me. I wont let my Mother deny me this.. I cant let it happen... just in fear of how bad things can eventually get if nothing is stopped. So yes... If you guys dont see an update here, I'm probably grounded... ( I'll miss my religious updates. : sighes : ) So yeah. Probably for the best of things though. Well, I should go. I'm out.
Courtney