Girl on the Verge
1:06 a.m.
& Sunday, Jun. 27, 2004
Girl on the Verge : Sarah Hudson
Observation
My situation
Ain't looking up
I'm having stupid suicidal thoughts
Complication
My hesitation
To cut you off
Has put me at a total loss
I'm a girl on the verge of a nervous breakdown
I'm all messed up
Baby all cause of you
I can't sleep
I'm in too deep
I'm a girl on the verge of a major meltdown
I might be all freaked out and confused
But I still wouldn't wanna be you
I'm a girl on the verge of a nervous breakdown
Devastation
My reputation
Is headed south
My medications running out
I'm a girl on the verge of a nervous breakdown
I'm all messed up
Baby all cause of you
I can't sleep I went to deep
I'm a girl on the verge of a major meltdown
I might be all freaked out and confused
But I still wouldn't wanna be you
I'm a girl on the verge of a nervous breakdown
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Congratulations
I'm your creation
Well how 'bout that
You better lock your doors cause the bitch is back
I'm a girl on the verge of a nervous breakdown
I'm all messed up
Baby all cause of you
I can't sleep I went to deep
I'm a girl on the verge of a major meltdown
I might be all freaked out and confused
But I still wouldn't wanna be you
I'm a girl on the verge of a nervous breakdown
I'm a girl on the verge of a nervous breakdown
On the verge of a nervous breakdown
Lately this song has been becoming my life. More so of my anthem I guess. It's been sometime since I've felt this way about a song. But then again, it's been awhile since I've felt the need to really express myself due to repression. Oh yes! Free the repressed society. Only one problem. I'm the one doing the repression to myself? Oh now that makes so much sense. Not. I can lie to myself, but we all know I can't lie to this diary. [ That's a lie. ]
Okay. So I wont lie. I'm in a hole. And oh yeah, guess who put me here? My thoughts. Who would have guessed?
I miss the beach. I miss being somewhere where I feel like I belong, like I know is my home. Neither I can label on Fort Benning. As of late I'm beginning to dream of Maine. Old Orchard beach. At the moment this place is a prison, only they've stuck a computer, fake friends, and a military base inside the cell. Recreational activities?
Damn, I'll drop the sarcasm.. that's really not my area of expertise. I haven't written in ages. Although you know what? As of late I'm stumbling onto a brillant discovery. I don't want to be a writer. I dont want to live a dream that everyone around me wants me to live. Isn't that so cliche. But everything is coming to me as of late. I guess that's because I have so much more time to think about it.
Why is it that I had to leave everything behind? I dont understand this concept and as we all can clearly see, I'm struggling with it. It's been roughly more than 20 days I've been away and having to tackle this obstacle and I'm yet to complete it. Help me understand. Perhaps remembering will.
I remember my old nick name for Brant, Taxi Driver 8688.. I'd write it on his notes all the time. I remember the last night I spent with Erika and Brant.. Thrice landing. God that place was heavenly. I couldn't have wished to be anywhere else. Then the trip to Waffle House. The lady who never gave us our bill so we had to make Brant go to the front to pay for it. The ugly asian guy with the beat up car outside. Brant lost his cell phone [ or rather dropped it at Thrice ] so we had to go back and get it. It was bordering midnight. Erika was afraid we would be locked out. The things that happened that night.. Ahh..
I remember homecoming day. Toby hung out the car passenger seat door and dropped his cell phone out of Calypso while Brant was driving.. Who could forget Prom night [ although it wasn't mine of course. ] the thrill of having something I shouldn't. And then who could forget the night that Ian and Courtney broke up? Of course drama had to follow. Anything less would be insulting! Then when Courtney tried her hardest to put Brant and Stacy together? When she did it out of the honesty of her heart. Back when friendship was the most important thing in the world. Who could forget Courtney's discovery of the teenclub world. A place where one could get away from home and hang out with friends.. a sanctuary equiped with internet and vending machines.
What about Fort Defiance? The Crow impression? [ Toby still owes me one by the way. I'm waiting for it still. ] And you'll be damned if I forget actually getting into the Porn store in Nashville even when the guy checked my ID! And the ride there, where Stacy and Courtney rode in the backseat topless. What about Courtney's 'mid teenaged life crisis'? Who could forget her little cutting problem that was cleared up quickly with a prescription of therapy? Freshman year at Fort Campbell, something that was definately not a waste of time. And the night that Courtney first connected with Brant? September 19th.. the night Keisuke left? What about having Brant burry all the papers? They no longer resided in the back of Courtney's binder in neat little dividers, but rather deep within the ground. Then of course.. Heather and Toby coming to visit Courtney Graduation night while she was painting her very much loved red walls, white again.. Listening to the newly discovered [ or atleast for her ] Death Cab for Cutie? All the moving and packing of boxes. All the long distance phone calls at the end.. The quick but interesting friendship of Tricia Marie? Going to NYC, the city of busyness! First exams. Oh those were fun.. And then final exams.. even better. Connecting with Erika again.. mending and ripping open relationships over and over.
And now look at me.. tell me I can find all of that here? The original Fort Campbell underground scene. Nothing could ever compare to that. So.. well.. I'm stuck. On the verge of a nervous breakdown?
Courtney
remember when?
lover you don't have to love - Sunday, Jul. 06, 2014
- - Thursday, Dec. 22, 2005
Catch up? - Tuesday, Sept. 20, 2005
nothing - Monday, Aug. 29, 2005
missing dland - Thursday, Aug. 04, 2005
rewind & forward