I guess I want to say this now, since we're going back and forth like school children in our diaries. I understood what I could never give her...but no one should be guilty for that actually. We both were in the wrong for this little number. We both knew that walking into this relationship, that there would be long distance, and that kisses and hugs...love making...the whole shebang would be impossible. So I walked into the impossible, and out of it again...with a bit more knowledge than before I guess. Who knows. I just know that I will never try long distance relationships again. I just know that I will see her one day...and we will meet. We will talk over this and laugh, laugh until the tears roll from our eyes...and until we have to stop. Yes...that will happen. Someday. Everyday is a someday, so keep hope open. Josh has moved, I broke up with Justin, and now I'm free. Well...free isn't quite the right word, considering I'm having to write this entry. Oh god...only if we could have waited until we were older to meet...to love. It would have been so much easier...for her sadistical side wouldn't have pushed out so much like a thorn in my side, and my forgivining nature would have been smothered just a bit more. Morbid romances seem to be my forte. Lovely isn't it? Ahhh, but what does it matter anymore? Even if we were to meet on my trip to Maine that I am on now, actually...it wouldn't have been bliss forever. Sure...A few days in paradise..but then the lights would have gone out, and the miles would seperate apart again. Life is such a concidence. I guess this is the part where I move on. Everyones telling me I should, and their starting to roll their eyes and groan when I talk about her. Perhaps I am love sick, and childish...perhaps I am naive to love and its sucidial tencendies. - insert sigh and love sick words - enough enough enough! When will it ever be over? When will the day be when I can jdust FORGET? Hah. That would be nice...I've got my plans for the future figured out anyway...now...I think. Its a bit hazey, but its coming to me. :poke to Erika: Things will get better, love. I promise. ^.^;; :sighes: I have to stay in Connecticut until wed. Lovely. :sighes and looks out the window: Highschool in two months. Life is finally starting. Perfect....Something I need to take me away from this.. This being her..and her being Emily. Someone help me, its about time they called the nut house to take me in, I'm driving myself schizo over her. I suppose the title..."GET OVER IT" would be nice to tatoo to my head at the moment. Alright. Off I go.
Courtney