God...that little whore is going to die. ::sighes:: She gets her way ever goddamn time. I hate it. I dont understand why she always has to throw a fit about everything. Yeah, I know all her friends are black, and I understand about the whole attitude "im better than you" thing...but IVE HAD ENOUGH. I just wish that one day she could act her color, NOT SAYING that Im racist. Because lord knows that I have friends of all races being in the military. But all Im saying is that no one likes a wanna be. IM DONE DONE DONE! This summer is going to be shitty. I have to spend it with her in the house with me. She wasn't even suppose to come. NEITHER WAS MOM. Goddamnit. It was suppose to be just me and Savannah. BUT NO. :sighes and hits head: God. I promise that Im not selfish, but if she gives me one more remark and attitude, one more roll of her eyes....Im going to smack them out of her HEAD! No one in the family knows how to deal with her. I tried having a civil talk with her last night, about how it was affecting my family. My Pepere is racist. I will admit that...because he was held at gunpoint by two black men when he was a truck driver. I always thought forgive and forget..but not him. And if she were to marry a black guy, she wouldn't be the eye of my grandfathers eye anymore. He wouldnt tolerate it, or accept it. Im trying to prevent her from a broken heart NOW then later. The affects of prejudice are awful. I hate it. Im going to put a banner up "The Crayon BOx" celebrating diversity. But than again, will I just be a hipocrite? Im confused. :sighes: I dont know. I am a freak..I am me...the gothic.morbid chic of the school. my expressions are me. I dont give a damn what anyone says about it. But what no one understands...where i live at, Black people HATE me. not just dislike, like a small tiff...a HUGE dislike...and I dont understand why. Underneath all my black eyeliner, and my vampire loving I am quite nice. But MY SISTERS FRIENDS are the little brother and sisters of the people who HATE ME. This doesnt do me much good. She blares the rap from her room, and I blare the rock. We are night and day. It doesnt make sense. And whats even worse is...shes got the ebonics. NOT that I dont love her..because I know that I do. I just...its hard. Black people hate me, and she wants to be one of them. Talk about sybling rivialry. Hah. Right. :leans and sighes: Im in a ditch at the moment. What to do what to do? Just live my four years at home, and let her own world crash around her...from the hatred of mixed and biracial babies...to Mixed relationships. Perhaps I should just step out, and leave it alone. :sighes: I dont hate anyone..I am netural with all races and colors of this world. I MEAN FUCK!!! IM A MILITARY BRAT.. ( id prefer if no Iraqi's came to take me hostage and all.. ) but I mean...sheesh. Put this in your tea and drink it! :hits head: What should I do? Any ideas? Leave a note...I need some extra opinion on this.
Courtney