Welcome back. Thanksgiving vacation is coming to an abrupt close and the days seemed to have fled before my eyes so quickly. I sit here and I'm sighing. Role playing as usual, chatting, listening to John Mayer; all things that have come a ritual to me being grounded. Of course I pose no threat to revolting against my groundation terms, they are quite nice, of course. I go to Therapy for the first time tomorrow. I'm nervous. I'm scared. But I know what I'm going to say. I do. I need to get something off my chest. You know what? I looked at every car that passed on the interstate today. Thought of him. Keisuke. Could that be him? Or what about that? Or that? Oh the torment and failure of each glance being an unsuspecting being to my hope. Cande and I have had and are having a falling out. Undisclosed reasons. But no really, its because we don't talk anymore. .. Truly. I've been very introvert these past few days, avoiding people. I can't figure out why. Perhaps it was just being in the atmosphere that I was. I don't really know, nor can I say. People dont seem to miss me all that much. I guess it goes to show me that I dont have to be in their lives alot... they dont need me that much. It doesnt matter. Being grounded gives me a reason to stay home and not volunteer myself to go anywhere. Oh Courtney, what have you done? More then anyone can imagine. I'm not the person I long to be and who knows if I can ever be again. Its undetermined.. but I have hope. With everthing that Pandora released in her cursed box.. I clutch onto hope. Mmm. Let the evils of mankind come.. I can cry.. and hope for something better to come my way. I'm off now, to finish posting.. to sing with John Mayer.. think. Be pensive.
"We only hate those we've loved before."
Courtney