It's back to the hectic days where I have no time to myself. Where I have to remember homework-- get to class on time. Pick and chose my battles as far as my friends go, and just wonder why the fuck I am here.
Have I mentioned going to Hardaway has made me further hate Columbus/Fort Benning? If not, here's your *NEWS FLASH*.
I'm beginning to feel somewhat like a sophomore loser. All the people I hang out with are Freshman-- and while class has never mattered to me --I keep on wishing for something else. I realize now, from the first foot I stepped in that building of the school-- I've been trying to find people that can replace my old friends. The ones that I loved. I only want to be friends with people who know Taking Back Sunday, Brand New, Thursday, Death Cab for Cutie, Lola Ray--- and gazillion other bands. I want someone to throw in a ferret record compliation and tell me to -listen-. I want to eventually learn the music in time. I understand now that by that, I'm asking for a Brant and Toby repeat. I want a friend who I can tell everything to--- sexual and secret wise. Someone who knows me-- really knows me. That's a Erika repeat. Dear god. What is my problem? I hate it here. I hate it here. I hate it here. I want to be back in Fort Campbell... land of which I know. I'd give back the no uniforms, the allowed piercings, better classes, and cuter guys just to be at Fort Campbell again. ATLEAST I'D HAVE MY FRIENDS. I'm all about my friends. I'd die for them. ;_; But there's no one like that here. You're just.. -there- to talk to them when they need you. I hate the fucking cliques that exist here. I hate the fact that I'm a sophomore loser.
Sophomore loser derives from the fact that I tried to talk to this guy, Carlton. He was wearing a Taking Back Sunday shirt.. so -ringringring- the buzzer went off in my head! I assumed that he was remotely close to myself, not to ignore the fact that he was way cute. But the conversation was awkward. He seemed uninterested. Although he looked at me and answered my questions, even smiled. It was still--.. weird. At first I thought he was shy.. mm.. but lets forward to today :
I walked over to him again-- he was alone. And I started talking to him. Asking him how his day went and what not. But this time he didn't even look at me. He was off looking to the other way. He wasn't staring at his shoes. He wasn't staring at me. He was looking away. First sign of uninterest. I just asked him how his day was and told him to have a nice day.. he replied with -You have a nice day too- And that was it. End of the second Carlton Conversation.
Maybe he's shy?
No. Not shy.
He's just not interested in Sophomore losers who move to Columbus and hate this place more then she hates gay bashers.
But about 5.5 seconds later-- the bell rings and Justin [ my newly gay found friend. Lmao. Check previous entries if you're lost. ] and I walk to the door. While I'm entering, I look behind me.. and *Bam*.
Asian guy.
Punk asian guy.
More so emo.
He had the glasses.
The shaggy hair.
The shoes.
Oh dear god.
Carlton who?
So I still feel like a loser, but my confidence has boosted a bit. Maybe I'll try to talk to my emo asian punk boy. Yummi. Oh! And I started re reading Choke again today. I forgot how much I liked reading that book.
There's a show at this Teen Club off post Friday, with local bands and what not.. But who the fuck am I gonna go with? -sigh-
Courtney