Enough.
Ive had enough. this is the end. monday morning I am going to end this charade. I am sick to death of her and her attitude. No more wondering if she'll get angry, no more wondering if Im doing right or wrong. I want to live my own life. She has become more of a burden of a friend. I cannot believe it took me all of three years to realize this. This might affect alot of people. Im serious. Bunny, Cat...yes...both of you indefinately. She will seek out your friendship. If I were you, I advise be best not to give it. She has made me cry to many times this week. I will not have it. She is my only friend that I have fought with. Enough enough ENOUGH. Im tired of it, and I grow weary with her games. My mother even advised me to perhaps end her friendship. Ive called her almost four times crying. You know how that makes her, and me feel? Awful. Im going to post an email that I sent my mother..
Mom.
Hey. ::sighes:: Jen gave me the computer for an hour. Shes been really angry about me getting online just to talk to people other than her family. She finally caved in after I fought with her, and cried a little. It seems that she'll only give in if I cry about it. And you know me, I cant cry on the spot. It takes a great deal of emotional pulling before I give away to tears. But shes seeming to not have any care about that. I dont want to lose her as a friend, but I swear to God mom, If she goes across my line one more time Im just going to shove her out of our room and lock it. Im getting tired to her games. And none of our friends that usually protect me are here to stop her. Its sad isnt it? That Im bulled by someone so close to me. But than again, I guess thats what I get...I chose my friend after all. This is the price that Im paying for it. Im talking to Vanna now, and shes the only thing keeping me from not biting my tongue and swallowing vile words that are on the line of coming outward. Only 4 more days in my own private hell. Ive never been so alone in my life it seems. Maybe I wasnt ready to leave home. But everytime I think of dad, or you and Chels in Maine I want to cry. I cant help it. This war is on the verge of turning, and Im not with the people that mean the most to me. Instead Im alienated in this foriegn land. I dont mean to shame you in anyway by crawling to you about my feelings in Email. But you know me, Im better with my words in letters and such. Im in no mood to Rp. Get this. Jennifer gave me an hour on the computer, and shes counting to. WHAT IS SHE? My mother. No..I think not. That place belongs only to one person, and that person is being really missed right now. Sometimes I feel so trapped by my life. And this is one of those moments. Im just holding onto my sanity for a few more days. This area is beautiful, but this attitude that I was given while being in it, is not. Far from pretty is this atomsphere I am mentally in. I thought your best friends are suppose to understand most things about you...if not everything. I just cant believe that it took a trip farthest away from home than Ive ever been to realize it. Ive been disgraced by my own lack of judgement..and now I drown in it. Some mistake Ive made. I love you mom, and sometimes I wonder what I would do without you.
Adieu mon amour,
Courtney
Do you see?? I hope you do. Jennifer has anger problems..and probably many more. Ive tried to hold on..but its simply grown to hard. Only 4 more days left within her friendship..may she love them..because Im not going backwards again.
In grave dispair
Courtney