Well, I've stepped out of my own box again. I've seen the world and I'm afraid of it. I don't want to be consumed by a world so filled with hatred that it just makes me not able to stand it. I've read just a few entries in someone's diary. I'm 'starting' to become close to them and already it hurts. This person feels like everything they touches dies, everything they try to fix, desire, want, need is just a big fucking hoax. This person knows how they want to die. It was this all time low that gave me an inspiration to write at the moment. I want to give them hope. I want to piece their pain together with my own words. Here I go.
Worthless Touches
If I could hold glass to my palm
It would shatter before my hands clasped around it
As if I knew it would happen
As if I knew it was coming
When can I wake up from this dream
Repeative and useless, over and over again
These own hands of my have tried to alter fate
Held a knife, clutched a gun
Shall I play another game of Russian Roulette tonight?
Drove blindly, slit until the pain was numb
I deserve this pain for being without worth
I'm at a constant all time low, do you really think you can save me?
Take a reality check. A slap
You didn't want to save me until I wanted to end it
You didn't give a damn
You didn't want guilt.
The same guilt that mocks me at night
While I'm laying in bed, whispers of just ending it all
Then and there, no ones watching
The screaming of others reach my door
Drown out the world with enough music
Words. Music. Freedom. Liberation.
Take your pick at words, I'm flexiable
Things I care about have just washed away
I must have not been good enough
Something I was just not enough to do
To say
To pretend about
Happiness, is something of the past
Embrace your's my friend, don't let it get away
Dont let it escape like mine somehow has
I cant see whats right infront of me
Perhaps if I was to blind to see through the happiness
I shouldn't be allowed to see through this depression
A bleak abyss, something that chills
That uneasy feeling that you just cant shake
The shattering of glass, the yelling from downstairs
Just drift away with the music
Everything I touch dies
Everything I want has been taken away
Everything I desire I'm worthless for
Everything I've tried to fix has been impossible
Maybe this is the end.
I've got a date set, I know how I'll end it all
Want to talk? You dont really care
You can't see in your happiness
I dont belong. You're blind to the things I see
But maybe I don't really see at all
CTS 2003 ( Dedicated to B.H. )