Listening to Brand New reminds me of a lot of things. Mostly sitting in the car with Brant. Mostly just Brant. Mostly just wanting Brant. Mostly just knowing I had Brant. Mostly just me realizing that I need to get a boyfriend. Mostly just me wondering if there are any guys out there who aren't jerks. Mostly just me understanding I get screwed over mostly.
Let's review my past three relationships:
- Brant. Friends with Benefits. Lasted: April 20th - June 5th. Pros: I got the guy I wanted after lusting after him for seven months. Cons: He didn't want a real relationship, just friends with benefits on the limited time. Something about - not wanting to hurt us both -.. A little too late for that buddy. Why it didn't work: I moved and it was friends with benefits. I happen to be a long term girl. Lasting scars: Believing that I'm worth nothing more then being friends with benefits. Tokens : Hickeys, a broken heart, and a few firsts.
- Justin. Boy friend. Lasted : One day. Pros: I had a boyfriend again? Cons: This was the pot smoking, probation idiot. Why it didn't work: I'm straight edge and he was just a fucking 'tard. Lasting scars: Being introduced to the bad subtances in my life way too early. Tokens: Nothing but knowledge that pot smokers are stupid.
- Ian. Boy friend. Lasted : One month. Pros: He was a senior, he was graduating, he had a job, he had his life in order, he was into emo, and was willing to revolve his life around me. Cons: Had an anger problem. Why it didn't work: He grabbed my arm hard enough one day while yelling at me, because he didn't want me to leave the car while we were fighting. Lasting scars: Knowing that there are some guys out there who can hurt you. Tokens: The Bruise and a broken heart.
Okay. Do you see a fucked up pattern? Whether the guy has anger problems, is into drugs, or just likes using girls.. I always seem to fall for them. Bad move. My relationships always turn out worse then I think they'll ever be. Yes, I'm aware that all relationships end-- but damn, they didn't have to end like that. Atleast I got to cuddle. -loves cuddling- Fuck them. They all had horrible personalities, but charisma always won that over. Hrm. I am to learn from this pattern guys. I am to not repeat these mistakes. I am to be so picky about my guy that I probably wont ever find him. :sigh: I still want my prince charming though?
I leave on the 31st. :sniffles: I WANT TO SEE THE BEACH BEFORE I LEAVE! NEED TO! HAVE TO!. >_>;; :goes to talk to Memere about such activity:
Courtney