I realized this morning that I was finally getting back to normal. I mean it was this big thought process. Here I am, it's about 8:25 in the morning, and I'm awake. I can already tell that it's a dreary day outside from the way the light is filtering in through the blinds. It's not a bright sunshine color, but that of a white one... florescent light type kind of white. So I blink a few times and just lie there... a few moments later I decide to get up and go down the stairs.. eventually this leads into watching a movie, going to the px with my Sister and Father and NOT rushing them because I have something "better" to do, and going to the mall with my Mother and Father.. which lasted from 2:30 until 7:00-ish. Now the before part of me... I usually would suck the fun out of things and push everyone along, be groaning about what I was missing on the computer and that I might have missed my chance to talk to someone important.
But no. Not at all today. Today I just took things as they went, smiled and took everything in all at once. I took a much needed breather and relaxed, allowed myself to do something that I realize I hadn't done in years. So it was really actually coming back from the mall in the car, listening to rap music that I'd prefer not to... that I realized this big theory. I've changed. I'm no longer something that I don't want to be. At this point, I'm highly content with myself. I talk to people when I can and when I'm avalible. I don't have to keep my schedule open twenty-four-seven in fear that I'll "miss something." Because, honestly what is there to miss? If I missed it in the first place then I shouldn't have done it to begin with. If that makes sense of course.
But Yes... this simple activity that would seem small and retarded to most.. is something that makes me completely estatic. One more big step to becoming the better Courtney. The person I was once, but ten times better. Action packed with knowledge from the experinces I've gone through but knowing that I can produce greater and better things from it.
I finally left Kei a voicemail on his phone after delaying it for oh lets say two weeks? Not really that I was delaying it or neglecting it otherwise.. It just slipped my mind. [ although it was something that shouldn't have happened because it was honestly something really important to me... and I don't understand why I forgot. ] So yes, back on topic. I voicemailed him and then while I was watching the movie I texted him. It was nice..to just finally be on grand terms with Kei. To know more about the Firm, even though of course I probably shouldn't. But it's always fun doing things that you shouldn't. Lets pause and laugh on this one.. because we all know that Courtney would never do something that you shouldn't do. Mmmhm. Let's all cough it off and ignore that comment... the underlying factor being a very strange one.
But anyway, back on track again. I got a bunch of New Summer clothes at the mall. I always love shopping for the summer because Capri's and Shorts always fit me.. I never have to be concerned about the length of pants that's always fucked up for me. It's what I get for being short. But yes! In the summer everything is already short so it's truly in my favor. So perhaps that's why I didn't rush anything in the mall today. I truly enjoyed shopping.. because everything I tried on fit... and I loved it. I haven't had that feeling since oh.. last summer? Hah.
Speaking of last summer... Well no.. this entry is long enough. I'll save it for the next one. It's kind of early and I think I need some sleep.. perhaps..maybe.. I think?
Courtney