x x . . . Y u u r i k o . . . x x
You light me up and then I fall for you
You lay me down and then I call for you
Stumbling on reasons that are far and few
I let it all come down and then some for you
None other then the brillant Okashi writing you. I hope that this email reaches you in a good mood. I'm positively going out of my mind here.. with just.. everything. It's complicated and hard to explain. Wanting to be anywhere but here somtimes, and particularly with you. It's just, I'm doubting every move I make in this place at my life everytime I make it.. Sure, I'm going to therapy.. yeah this is suppose to work this out. I -.. well.. The thing that is bothering me most I could never talk with a therapist about, for there would be serious legality problems of course. I just don't know how to cope. The whole Keisuke deal is hitting me hard, everytime I give myself time to ponder upon it. I'm suppose to be the strong one, I'm not the one that he fell in love with! But its not even because of those reasons.. it's just the simple fact that I based my life around what everyone else but us would probably be sure to label a ficticous reality.. but it was so real for the both of us. Perhaps the doubt of whether it was all real... it's finally getting to me. Taking its sweet slow time trying to figure out the best method to distract, alienated, and totally ruin. I dont want revenge.. I just want a peace like state of mind. The way things were left it was sort of a cliff hanger. It left so many questions on unanswered.. things that I dare not ask you about because of the nature of them. And maybe if he just stopped me on the sidewalk in the middle of no where.. and told me that it was all true.. to see him and know that he was alright. I could continue onward. But ever since he's left every part of my reality has been turned upside down. Almost like Sarah from Labyrinth during the ball room dancing scene. The mirror called 'reality' was shattered before I wanted to leave, before I got all my questioning out!.. It's difficult to try and explain without sounding to dramatic or just to... 'lost' so to speak. But its taking toll.. and who better to turn to then the one who I know is here for me.. Just a few minutes ago I was reading all of the letters that you have ever sent me.. And in one you enclosed a message at the bottom, " Remember, I'm here for you just as much as you're here for me. " So, I'm taking you up on that little statement. Who knows what you'll make of this email, but I hope more then anything it doesn't sadden you.. thats really the last thing I want it to do.. perhaps relate us closer.. beause in a way I have been holding on during out conversations on 'him'.. holding out feeling wise.. because I do want to be strong for you. This has hit you ten times harder then it ever will me, but my small one little time.. its getting to me. I love you and trust you completely. Please send the Package out soon, included with Keisuke's letter, My letter informing everything about 'him' and his situation so I can start the novel, and of course.. any art works new/old that you can spare.. you know how I love them dearly. Alright then, I'm going to leave on a somewhat relieved note. I've told you whats going on.. there. I love you, once again.
Always yours,
Okashi