You know those people in your life, that you love to death..but the moment that you falture in answering them...they claim that your ignoring them? :sighes: Thats where I am right now. Its a tough situation, considering that the person in question here is often like myself. Isolated..And keeps their feelings inside. And when you tell them that they did something wrong they get angry and tell you its not true. :huffs: I should really get paid to do this. Really. I dealt with it from Emily, from Sha, and now from Josh. The list keeps growing..and the giver inside of me just doesn't know when to stop. I've done it again guys! I've stuck my neck out for a person, helping them, thinking that I could make a differance and its blown right back up into my face. I've dealt with this problem for years now. I have a tendency to help people who will never help me in return. A dig a constant ditch for myself, and have to have people pull me out before I'm neck deep. :sighes: I'm just so sick of it..I realize what i'm doing wrong..AND I EVEN DO IT OVER AND OVER AGAIN! But I don't ever fix it. This is a constant reoccuring problem. Its in my instinct and my nature to help people selflessly. To want to do the best for everyone. To feel the need to connect with all. To be by a person's side and tell them everything they want to hear...reguardless if its beyond my boundries or standards. My ever feeling of the need to please everyone. Not for popularity, but for my personal gain. The personal gain of knowing that I have helped someone. But all the people I help are usually sadistic..and I'm always the one getting hurt as the result. I listen to their sucide thoughts..their complaints...their whining..their lying..and I'm willing submit to what they ask me to do. I am not a dominate person at all! I do not back down when a person asks me to do something. I am one to come through with something completely. This will be my downfall..emotionally and physically. I don't understand it. This is the one part of myself that I will never accept as beautiful..because it runs deep with scars that other people have placed there in my attempt to help them. My first lover..left me this way. Then my good friend..left me this way. And my BEST male friend has left me this way. I feel betrayed..and you'd think after all this time I'd learn to recongnize the patterns immediately. I just walk into situations blindly I guess. I have the terrible tendency to believe that everyone is a good person. And let me tell you, I have learned the hard way that not everybody are good people. I've learned the hard way. Courtney