Email 1 - Cande and Courtney
Naka.
I hope that is not too late to ask you to make sure that Keisuke gets these. How or when is not an issue, they just need to be passed to him. I appreciate all that you've done and all you continue to do for me. These are just poems from Cande and myself, a tad of expression you know. I hope that you have a wonderful night. I guess I'll ask for nothing more but a small email when you pass them to him so Cande and I know that it's been done. Dont want to be thinking on it forever. Again, thank you so much. Until we talk again.
Thank you
Jesse
Hoping Against Doubt; This Isn't The End.
A thousand words left unsaid
Another day praying he's not dead
Give into which I believe is real
Hold my breath, with reality, another deal
World's a blur in crystal hues
Pay phone in hand, what could I lose?
Sanity? Peace? Things from within?
I let go as soon as I knew what I was in
I refuse to be realities diversion, but he's quickly mine
Words of emotion, just another line
I can't blame him, it's not his fault
Just lock it away, my hearts own vault
Chalk it up to fate, wish upon a star
Day dreaming of memories not so far
If only one thing I could change
Just that one last chance to rearrange
I'd move the pieces of the time inbetween
But keep everything else I have seen
Eternity's shadows have only begun to fall
Palms cradle the phone, yet another failed call
Days go by without the trio's reuniting end
Bittersweet words of a man I still call friend
Dreams and ambitions, mingled with childs play
What would happen if I called him again today?
Would each ring pass in silence, breath held tight
Battling within myself, another fight
The reciever slams as I turn around
Stalking off without a sound
Perhaps its a reality I'm not meant to see
But day after day, it claws at me
I've laid down my knife, no more self damage
My own doubts, finally I can manage
I can't blame him, it wouldn't be fair
But somehow I can't whisper a prayer
So I smile a continue on, minding my years
Eyes closed tight, I can't feel my fears
Closet monsters screaming that you wont come back
Whispering demons sensing a part of me I lack
Others tell me theres no possible way
To believe in the things I belive in today
Deep down I guess its all up to me
So hear this now, my only plea
A million names for just one man
Another remnant left of a life you never planned
If this cry can be traced
Let her be the one you don't erase
Through her love, there was another side of you
You've left her now, what is there for her to do?
I'm left to comfort something I'll never be able to match
Its the love of a man she's only just allowed herself to be attached
I'm sorry for the things I can't say
Just know as you read this today
I'm doing fine, I'll be seeing you soon
Eyes focused upon the rising of that moon
It's not my well being I'm worried about
It's a soul that refuses to shout
Surpressed in love, lost in her own world
I'm holding her tight, so she doesnt drown in a whirl
I don't know the new restrictions, rules your willingly obey
I know exactly who gets the last say
If anything I guess I can continue to pretend
Holding onto that which I pray isn't the end.
Demon with yellow eyes, I stare at you now
Asking a soundless question, tell me how
A sinner caught so far inbetween
Loving forbiddenly, flesh of a man trying not to be mean
Man or demon, of only one I've met
But if the other were to come, I wouldn't regret
I call out to you, the demon within the man
Take her heart that she's holding in her hand
CTS 2004
What can I do for you?...
Hide my fears and love you distantly,
Something I refuse to do mechanically.
I don't care what the consequences are,
I want to see you smiling...
I've never fired a loaded piece of metal,
But I would if it made you realize,
What I was willing to risk,
Just to see you happy...
So I watched this movie,
about a woman who waited three years for this man.
Of course she waited so long,
blindly giving into the other side,
He thought he had failed...
He thought he had lost her...
So in the end this man fought for a new life,
and in the end...she helped him accomplish it.
Im not going to lie...
I refuse to give myself to the other side.
Struggling and praying,
to some force that has betrayed me.
I'll restrain myself for now,
just to make sure you're OK.
So what if my life has been threatend...
I have a little bit to much of something called...
Freewill.'
Until they take it away that is...
I don't worry about me anymore,
Just a certain submissive someone,
and a dear friend close like a sister.
So what can I do for you?...
Believe me...I wont let you fall through the cracks,
If you are ever wounded...I swear..
I refuse to be kind to the people who wounded you.
I'll tear off my wings just to save you...!
Screw the skies...screw the hell I don't care!
I knew I was put here for a reason...
If the reason was to protect the ones I ...love.
I'll .. do it, till the end.
Dont forget...
who I am...and
what I can do for you.
- Yuuriko...cause thats the name you gave me...
Email 2 - Naka's response
Something I found of his...
Naka
"...I thought it would be nice, to lie down and close my eyes
It never occurred to me, that I am already asleep..."
TRAPT-Enigma
Watching my life through sealed lids as I dream
But this is a nightmare, and I can't wake no matter how I scream
Clawing at walls I cannot even see
Trying, crying, dying to be free
Let me spread my wings
Break away from these petty things
Doesn't matter how many times I turn my life around
I can never seem to get my feet up off the ground
I can't bear the thought of us being apart
You have been with me from the start
You have no form, no face, nowhere to call your own
And so you reside in me, and I am your home
I can hide you, from those who would do you wrong
Within my soul I will keep you, where you belong
Be my eyes and ears and guide me on this path
And I will quell the demon within you, that unseen wrath
My heart is tainted in disease, and your own in death
We are joined as one forever till my last breath
I carry your nightmares, your desires and sin
Let them all be buried within
Take them to my cross for you have none to claim
Lay them upon me and I will take the blame
I watch you struggle so much to be free
If I but could, I would give you all of me
Damn this coil that holds me to this place
I would give it all away to see a smile on your face
Still, if I had but one wish, and I could have my way
I would bring you here with me and see you every day
But perhaps it is better this way with you hidden in me
It is here that you are safe from harm, can't you see?
It is for one reason alone that I keep you, forever with me, and you know it is true.
Three simple words, I can never say to your face, that I love you.
Never shall we see eye to eye, as both our hearts plead
And it is because of that, neither of us can ever be freed.
So bind my chains tighter, shatter my wings and tear out my heart
I will give everything I have, so that we might never part.
Bind my chains tighter, shatter my wings and tear out my heart...
Sell my very soul to the demons who come in the dark...
There is no escaping this earthly hell
I'm fucked for life, can't get it out of my head.
Hurry up and pull the trigger, I'm better off dead.
Don't try to save me, there's demons brooding within
Submit my will to their bloodlust and sin
Kill for them. Hate for them. Rape for them.
Use me as you will
For I am nothing but your slave.
Expose my sins
Send me to the grave.
Conversation - Naka and Courtney
--Yuuriko
Alright.. computer went schizo a few times.. so I lost our conversation many a time. By the second time I got back online... she was off. So. After you read this, I'll be adding more of what I can remember.
Xv Jesse R vx [10:04 PM]: *pounce* Thank you so much
V Kitra V [10:04 PM]: *nods* I try my best
Xv Jesse R vx [10:05 PM]: It's just.. I'm trying so hard to piece her back together again and again.. but further and further down shes going.. and this time its just too fast.. Maybe this can keep her grip tighter for awhile...
V Kitra V [10:05 PM]: Is she on? *peer*
Xv Jesse R vx [10:05 PM]: No. here.. *sends something*
Xv Jesse R vx [10:06 PM]: I got this today. *bangs head on desk*
Xv Jesse R vx [10:07 PM]: Losing herself more and more everyday. Somedays I think she'll make it. Others, I'm not so sure. I do the best I can.. but its never enough..
V Kitra V [10:07 PM]: She has to hold on and know he'll come for her. She shouldn't keep watching for him cause he'll come when she's not expecting it. u.u;
Xv Jesse R vx [10:08 PM]: : laughs : I know it.. but its not that shes looking behind her back for.
V Kitra V [10:08 PM]: >.< then what?
Xv Jesse R vx [10:08 PM]: Its those other guys.. they came back the other day. Told her to stay away from Kei.. and if she even thought about him.... he'd make her 'forget' him..
Xv Jesse R vx [10:09 PM]: And here I am, going insane because I cant do a thing.
V Kitra V [10:10 PM]: tis not good
Xv Jesse R vx [10:10 PM]: very very very bad.
V Kitra V [10:10 PM]: *tis listening to Keisuke's song from his poem*
Xv Jesse R vx [10:11 PM]: Im powerless and well, Keisuke.. we wont be hearing from him for awhile. So shes fending for herself.. but somedays her will is so thin that I think she'll give into them. But she promised she wouldnt. She loves him too much.
Xv Jesse R vx [10:11 PM]: Its a good one..
V Kitra V [10:13 PM]: Yah tis the same with Keisuke.. some days he's ready to take on the world to get back to her and others tis like he's given up
Xv Jesse R vx [10:13 PM]: Pass the word to Kei for me please, if you can.. that if a pay phone number shows up on the phone for some reason.. not to be alarmed.
Xv Jesse R vx [10:13 PM]: : sighes : Its so hard. I just wish that I could change everything. Eliminate all the barriers.
V Kitra V [10:13 PM]: Whats the area code?
Xv Jesse R vx [10:13 PM]: 270
Xv Jesse R vx [10:13 PM]: or 931
V Kitra V [10:14 PM]: o.o....cause I saw 270 a couple days ago...but I wasn't allowed to answer it.
Xv Jesse R vx [10:14 PM]: Mmhm. That was me.
Xv Jesse R vx [10:14 PM]: Can I ask why?
V Kitra V [10:15 PM]: twasn't me.. was his people. They were all here and they saw the phone ring. One of the guys checked it, called out the number and someone else shook their head.. so I didn't get to answer it.
Xv Jesse R vx [10:15 PM]: *sighes* Damnit.
Xv Jesse R vx [10:16 PM]: Thats not how he said it would happen in the directions! *holds head on hands* no matter, nothing to worry about.
V Kitra V [10:16 PM]: u.u; I know.. lots has changed since then...tis not like it used to be at all....
Xv Jesse R vx [10:16 PM]: New Restrictions.. Rules.. : flicks pencil at wall : I dont know what is allowed and what isnt/
V Kitra V [10:16 PM]: If you left a message, then it'd go to me..so you should next time if you can
Xv Jesse R vx [10:17 PM]: : nods : I know that, but I didnt want the message to get in the wrong hands. But you're sure it goes directly to you?
V Kitra V [10:17 PM]: yup^^ they dun know cause Keisuke rigged it..tee hee
Xv Jesse R vx [10:17 PM]: *laughs* Thats perfect.
Xv Jesse R vx [10:17 PM]: : hugs : Your a doll. Thanks.
Xv Jesse R vx [10:18 PM]: So I take it he cant answer my calls? And was he there when the phone rang?
Xv Jesse R vx [10:18 PM]: Only answer what you can, of course. : nods :
V Kitra V [10:19 PM]: He was there, but he didn't say anything.. twas kinda a bad thing happening when the phone rang....so he was real quiet.
Xv Jesse R vx [10:19 PM]: Makes sense. I have the worst timing anyway.
Xv Jesse R vx [10:20 PM]: shit. >>;; can you send the convo up to now.. to me.. ? I have to send this to Cande.. and I just Xed it.
V Kitra V [10:20 PM]: hm? oh yah
anyway. I asked if his move was related to you. She said it had alot to do with you. I asked her had they threatened to make him 'forget you' like Angel. She said no, because that all backfired and he remembers her now... and that she heard he fell in love with you so it was part of the reason they had to leave ontop of the people you knew. I asked how her status was on the firm. She said she wasn't suppose to know about it but accidentally found out one day what Kei did.. No one knows that she knows bout the firm with exception of Kei's team. She told me that all rules have changed ( you read that earlier. ) and I asked further about it. She stated that he wasn't allowed to contact anyone from his former life. And then added, it wasn't hard because they weren't in the states. He had mentioned to me that he wanted to go back to France when he told me he might be relocating... and I asked if thats where they might be.. she goes.. " ^^ Ding Ding Ding! " >D Shes so cute. Anyway.. Then I went onto asking her about Sakusen and associates... but then I got kicked off and she wasn't there when I got back. Thats about it. I hope you like this.. Im sorry if you dont like some of the things I said in here.. but alot of it was how I reacted to the email you sent earlier. >_< But as you can see. you're not the only one struggling. he loves you more then you think. ^^;; *kissu* This is exactly what you needed. Has Okashi delievered to you, or what? Eyes and ears in action. UP UP AND AWAY! Aishitedru.
Jaa!
Okashi