My life is turning out to be a huge soap opera. But what can I complain? this is what I wanted, ne? : closes eyes : The sky is turning dark, its about to rain. I welcome it, I really do. It was raining last night when I went to bed, helped me sleep. The sound of knowing that my life is not the only thing in the world that has a storm brewing from within. So many holes are forming, so quickly, before I can fill them in with questions and my answers to them. I've been wanting to play my violin lately, but I can't bring myself to do it.. To try.. Not anymore. Feeling so empty. I mean, things that were missing in my life are coming back at a better frequency of course, but then... well.. Questions, doubts, wonders, curiousity, theories, still remain. I feel ashamed for wanting more proof then I've been given. I've had more proof this month then I've had in the three years of being lost in this. The skeptical mind never sleeps, only falls into an unconscious state of doubt and cluelessness. I'm glad that we have him back. I'm glad that contact is there.. but still with the wondering. Their love is stronger then ever.. of course it is... : smiles softly : It's strangely pulling together okay, or smoother then anyone thought it would. So many contributing factors that wont dissapear, too many questions that I can't bring myself to ask, or rather, I know they wouldn't be answered if I did ask them. It's a complicated theory. I mean.. On the outside I'm quite happy. Somewhat on the inside to. My mind is too questioning when it comes to the main ' situations ' in my life. I'm content, but I'm not. It's so weird to try and describe, which is why I'm having difficulty now. I have therapy after school tomorrow. Wow.. I survived going weeks without going to therapy everyone. Go Courtney. : yawns and stretches : It's funny, I never talk about the whole Kei sitatution in therapy. Of course it would very stupid to do so. >>;; but wow.. I've managed to hold out and look where it's gotten me? We have him back, no reason to cut anymore. ^_^ This is a great thing.
" The trouble with love is, it doesn't care how hard you fall. "
Courtney