I sit in my shame. A pool of death and innocence. I've lost both...I cradle my dreams, shattered and tourn. I have nothing to say...
Dreams are my fairy tales. Because If I were to face reality bare, without them, I would be stripped of ever little thing that I know to comfort me. I would be alone. No one understands that what I clutch onto, I clutch onto tightly. Enough to kill if it were one thing alone. I just sit here. Im going to be silent. Silence delievers a sweet and better release from everything than hatred does. But than again, dont I deserve hatred? Dont I thrive on it?...no. I dont. But then its undecided. And if all is undecided. Then why should i believe it? Ive never believed anything that hasnt been true. have i become the Creeper Kamikaze? It seems so. I seem such an awful terrible person....but that is opinion..point of view. But what better are you then what people see you as? only 1,451 days until I leave hell. Forever. and my depression shall not surpress, but only grow. its past all decorum.
I can run, and I can hide...but I can shove the emotions away that are inside. Just shrug them away, theyll come another day..And I could be ready then, and I can still be in my fairy tale as I pretend.
Do I matter anymore? Do I exist anymore? Do I feel reality anymore? each question replys with a no in my mind. But than again, Im the morbid writer. Perhaps its only a stretched illusion that my twisted mind created. Whatever the case...or the misleading evidence..I cant hide anymore.
Courtney