And here I am. Officially a sophmore and if anything, I feel worse? I could cry, I could just lock myself away, but all of those choices.. pointless. I could say the same things I've been thinking for the past few days. The same complications, the same obligations. But what's the point? The effect will fade in two weeks, just like my image. Two weeks is all I have left to salvage and sum up seven years. How? I haven't even begun to wonder how I'll master the art.
I've been painting most of the day, and it's so odd. It seemed like the paint fumes were getting to me, because by the time Heather and Toby came over.. I was talking non-sense about what was wrong. I almost reduced myself to tears again. I feel lame.. I've never been so weak feeling like this before. Seriously. I mean back in the September era I was depressed and really sad. But now, It's not that kind of sad. Its an odd kind. And there will be NO way to fix it. I'll move and that's that.
If I cry or not, if I pack or not.. I'm still moving. That kills me. It's a sadness I cannot fix.
I want to hang out with the gang the best I can before I leave. I feel so lost. Damnit.
But make no mistake. I am not 'depressed'. Just down. Wondering how I can get out of this mess.
Courtney