Hoping Against Doubt; This Isn't The End.
A thousand words left unsaid
Another day praying he's not dead
Give into which I believe is real
Hold my breath, with reality, another deal
World's a blur in crystal hues
Pay phone in hand, what could I lose?
Sanity? Peace? Things from within?
I let go as soon as I knew what I was in
I refuse to be realities diversion, but he's quickly mine
Words of emotion, just another line
I can't blame him, it's not his fault
Just lock it away, my hearts own vault
Chalk it up to fate, wish upon a star
Day dreaming of memories not so far
If only one thing I could change
Just that one last chance to rearrange
I'd move the pieces of the time inbetween
But keep everything else I have seen
Eternity's shadows have only begun to fall
Palms cradle the phone, yet another failed call
Days go by without the trio's reuniting end
Bittersweet words of a man I still call friend
Dreams and ambitions, mingled with childs play
What would happen if I called him again today?
Would each ring pass in silence, breath held tight
Battling within myself, another fight
The reciever slams as I turn around
Stalking off without a sound
Perhaps its a reality I'm not meant to see
But day after day, it claws at me
I've laid down my knife, no more self damage
My own doubts, finally I can manage
I can't blame him, it wouldn't be fair
But somehow I can't whisper a prayer
So I smile a continue on, minding my years
Eyes closed tight, I can't feel my fears
Closet monsters screaming that you wont come back
Whispering demons sensing a part of me I lack
Others tell me theres no possible way
To believe in the things I belive in today
Deep down I guess its all up to me
So hear this now, my only plea
A million names for just one man
Another remnant left of a life you never planned
If this cry can be traced
Let her be the one you don't erase
Through her love, there was another side of you
You've left her now, what is there for her to do?
I'm left to comfort something I'll never be able to match
Its the love of a man she's only just allowed herself to be attached
I'm sorry for the things I can't say
Just know as you read this today
I'm doing fine, I'll be seeing you soon
Eyes focused upon the rising of that moon
It's not my well being I'm worried about
It's a soul that refuses to shout
Surpressed in love, lost in her own world
I'm holding her tight, so she doesnt drown in a whirl
I don't know the new restrictions, rules your willingly obey
I know exactly who gets the last say
If anything I guess I can continue to pretend
Holding onto that which I pray isn't the end.
Demon with yellow eyes, I stare at you now
Asking a soundless question, tell me how
A sinner caught so far inbetween
Loving forbiddenly, flesh of a man trying not to be mean
Man or demon, of only one I've met
But if the other were to come, I wouldn't regret
I call out to you, the demon within the man
Take her heart that she's holding in her hand
CTS 2004