Im not even going to explain. Im through explaining..and its so wonderful how moods can change from happy to angry in split seconds... But who am I kidding? I dont harbor anger. ::scoff scoff die:: I dont know how to come around this. I just dont know. And I dont know what to do anymore. :sighes and leans: What is there to do? :shrugs: I'm clueless. x.x Obviously I dont give enough love...and I dont provide a relaxing enough enviorment around me. I could cry right now, but Im in a public place...so best hold it in. My best friend..has just written that she was homesick. Thats fine and all..normally a person should be! A month away. But what I dont get is...shes not going home when she gets back. Shes going to stay with Erika. Perhaps Im blowing this whole goddamn thing out of porportion. But from the sounds of it..its like she doesnt want to be around me anymore. She wants to be with Erika. Call me jealous..but This seriously makes me feel like shit. I dont know anymore guys. This is where I hang up the phone. I dont want...I DO NOT want a repeat of me and Jennifer. As many times as I have stated it in here. Im just. :sighes: Am I that bad of a person? And from what Erika has told me, shes been upset...lately...and I havent noticed a damn thing. Yeah. Oh great. Im such a fucking awful person. :sighes and holds head in hands: This is way beyond what It should be. I understand that she wants to go home, fuck...I even understand that she wants to be with Erika. If I beat the jealously down in me I can accept that..but what I wont accept is that she felt like she couldn't talk to me. What are friends FOR?! :sighes: Maybe its something that Im doing wrong? Who knows. Im so bitchy at the moment..I could die. I havent felt this pathethic since Idaho. Perhaps going on long term trips with my friends are bad ideas. Atleast we lasted longer than just a week..I beat the Jen/Court record. :sighes and sulks: Comments, Suggestions?, Flamers? Leave them in the notes, tagboard, or guestbook.
Courtney