I think the picture I inserted to the side is distracting people [ or atleast me ] from Miyavi. I haven't decided yet if I'll keep it or not.
At the current moment I'm sitting in Computer Applications for the last time, but technically I shouldn't be here because I'm exempt from this exam. But oh well, here I am. It's not as if she could turn me away. Although she did look at me strange when I walked in. I don't have an exam until next period. I'm dreading it, I was so pissed off about it I didn't even study for it. Which was probably a stupid move on my part, but I'll cope with that later.
Today has been sort of okay, so far atleast. Everyone's been nice to each other, and I'm yet to piss anyone off. It's a short day today anyway. I wonder what I'll do with something like that. I would suggest that we go do something, perhaps Land Between the Lakes. But then I remember the condition that Brant's car is in now, and how he'd probably advise against it, being that he's the only mode of transportation.
That's another thing. Lately it seems that he's just drawing back from the whole world. Brant that is. He's not moving anymore, so I don't see what his problem is. Aside from the fact that perhaps he doesn't want to become too attached to me before I move? Even though I tried my best and continue to distance myself from him everyday. Maybe he is just withdrawing.. so it saves the heartache... saves memories of friendship laced with lipgloss kisses and handholding. Atleast thats why I'm doing it, along with other very strong reasons as well. Who knows. When I was with Brant the way I was before, I was not myself. But now I am. It's confusing. But for the sake of myself and other people I'll leave things the way they are now. No fixing for me. They're in the ditch, so I'll let them stay there. Better that then fall for him harder than I have already. [ I used than right Erika!! XD ]
But enough on ranting about my ideals and things I wish I could change but I cant because I wont.. and I wont because I promised.. and I promised because that's the only thing I can give to someone thats of high value
Elaborating on my room. It feel so strange now. With my walls bare, my canopy off the bed, and my drawers empty. Even though I haven't begun the tedious process of moving, just the small changes are noticeable. In a place where it's my sanctuary, it feels foreign, alienated, as if it belongs to someone else. I can't wait to just move out completely and move into my next room. It's a sense of unorganization I'm not particularly fond to. We'll be in the guest house for up to a month. God save me. I'll feel even more unorganized, bored, and just want to freak out. I guess that means I'll have to bring my planner guys. [ Even today, On exam day I brought it. :sigh: ] But it goes to show.. I need some form of organization.
Not a word from Kei. I assume he's still "finding" himself. I talked to Cande yesterday and we conversated. Almost pissed her off without meaning to, but we sorted things out and it's okay. Sometimes I think she thinks that I can't see her point of view on things or in her words, " You just don't get it. " Honestly I do.
I just defend for both parties, or atleast try to, to the best of my ability. While she's mentioning the negatives to the things Kei's done or said that hasn't settled with her right.. I try to find the positives and what I think he meant, rather then just jumping to start throwing out accusations. But it goes the same way. I defend and prosecute both of them, because they mean so much to me. I understand them both complet3ly. [ Well most of the time, when they aren't trying to keep things from me.. or aren't pissed off. ]
Only one more day of school left. [ Don't count today. ] I'm excited. Finally get to start summer at 12:30 tomorrow. Yay! Mark it down. Scream for Joy. Freshman year is almost over.
Courtney