Okay this entry will be about Maine, even though I'm still stoked over the whole Lola Ray deal. I get all eccentric when I think about it. God I am such a fangirl.
But back to reality. I didn't get abducted during my plane flight. I found everything just fine. The flights were long and boring, although the view was something to really behold. I enjoyed flying with Delta airlines, thank you, come again.
I went to Church this morning. Again I was belittled and enamored on the impact that the Catholic church has on a person. Kneeling in prayer before the stained glass windows, the paintings of Jesus' life.. nothing compared to the Sistine Chapel-- but if one can pretend, heads bowed, eyes closed, in unison. Pure. Unclean. Faith is clearly devote in it's prescence. Being there makes me feel like a fake.. fraud. As we all know that Catholic Mass is monontous and repeative. I didn't make the sign of the cross when cued to, I didn't bow before entering the pew, I didn't do the required phrases. I barely caught on the "Our Father" prayer. I know other people don't know I was a fraud, for I certainly didn't show it. But I felt it. I'm a walking paradox and I know it. I love the feeling of the Catholic Church, the beauty. But I hate the entrapment of the faith. The rigid rules. The repenting. The having to believe in a God. And of course, all these things are required in a faith.. Bowing there with my hands clapsed, I feared. I feared the Priest knew I was going to hell. I feared God's judgement. I feared hell. But outside the Catholic Churches walls, I care for no God, no Satan, nor the Priest. I hold no regard for it's rules and regulations of faith. But it's when you're at your most vunerable, bowing your head in prayer, being the fraud that you are... when you fear it the most. And then you realize, church is one of the places you have come to fear the most. [ dashboard rip off, yes I know. ]
Aside from that little tid bit on what I did today, I also visited my Great Aunt. The best thing she could say to me to sum up a years time was how dead my hair looked.. because it lacked body. That was it. She could have atleast said she liked the color. Bitch. Then later I visited my Great Grandmother. She didn't remember my name and kept asking me if I had a boyfriend. Courtney and no. >_>
Still in shock Lola Ray wrote me an Email. I'm contemplating calling Cande. Reminder to self: Take lots of pictures with digital camera when on the beach to post in diary. woo. ^_^
Courtney