silentlylost's Diaryland Diary ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- AMBER ALERT! I'm running out of ideas to keep me busy. I've cleaned everything that I could in this house. I've looked up lyrics. Taken pictures. Gone outside. Went walking. Watched television. Listened to music. Took a nap. Talked on the phone. Ate. And ate somemore. Downloaded music. Looked up the ratios for the lottery. Changed my layout. Straightened my hair. Scorned at my appearance. God. I must have done a hundred things today in trying to not stare at that telephone. Not to look at my buddylist and will her to come on. In three hours it will have been officially one day I've gone without talking to her. A whole twenty four hours. And yes, I feel childish about caring so much. I'm sure you're all rolling your eyes. `It's only a day Courtney. Some couples go without hearing each other for days.` Well excuse me, folks, not this couple. I haven't gone a day without talking to her since we've met. HONESTLY. Don't you all just get it? [ God, I'm talking to an invisble audience. ] It's serious. It's a million things I can't control. And it sucks that I can't do a damn thing. Except have Nick leave long rambling messages on my girlfriend's machine, in hopes that her mother will let her pick up-- because it's him calling, not me. I'm going insane. Is that a nice feeling? No. Most certainly not. She's on my brain and I can't stop it. It's 12:18. Already July 13th. I wish things would just sort themselves out already. I'm wondering what she's doing. Where she is right now. Is she sleeping, wrapped up within her covers tight? Or is she being forced onto the couch, being held prisoner to the television set by her mother? Or maybe out with her Dad? Or even on the street. Hell. I don't know. And although the phrase of the day is `there's nothing you can do but wait, Courtney.` I get fucking tired of waiting. Did you hear me? I'm impatient. I'm a lover who wants to know what fuck is going on. I'm stubborn. I'm confused. Most of all, I'm Courtney. Missing you, 12:11 a.m. - Wednesday, Jul. 13, 2005 ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- |
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