Every night I crawl into bed and fall asleep, waking up to a promised tomorrow. Something that I'm finally happy to have. Trying desperately not to sell myself short or get wrapped up in things that I myself need no worry in. Summers soon creeping up around the corner as I'm trying my best not to remember that it's there. Somedays it gets harder and somedays it's quite easy. It's a come and go type of thing.
Again with struggling to find my balance in friends. There are things I find myself holding back and keeping in to prevent from having people upset at me. You know? There are things you just dont say because you know it will piss someone off? Lately around here that's what I've been doing. I don't even think about it, it's like my mind has a set default not to. Life is like that sometimes...almost practically programmed not to do things you're not supposed to.
Although I've done my fair share of things for this Freshman year to call it liberating.
The Top Ten Liberating Things of Freshman Year
1. Went to a porn store in Nashville where they did ID checks. And with the idiot looking on the front and the back of my ID card. [ the DOB is on the back. I am only 14. ] I got in no hassle.
2. Went to Homecoming for the first time and it was alone. And I had fun.
3. I made it eight months so far being single.
4. Cande come down for the first time for Spring Break. This is my first succession in covering the wool over my parents eyes. [ I originally told them Cande is a pen pal I started writing to in 8th grade. In all actuality, I met her over the internet. ]
5. This year also marks the first time I've ever had exams.
6. Way more perverted than middle school.
7. Keisuke left and came back.
8. I went through therapy.. all seven months of treatment. [ GO ME !! ] For dealing with cutting, my past, and all highschooler shit like that.
9. Managed to keep my GPA above a 3.0.
10. I became a successful poetry writer. Not only self proclaimed, but complimented by many others. [ Thanks to Kei and Yuu. And Naka! ]
And there you have it. The end.
Courtney