Running without reason, Im clutching at my reality. Tears stream and wet my face. I'm trying to keep facts straight. Trying to recall what once could never be. I'm failing completely. Does that consider me a failure? Sadist's rule my future of something I have no control. Someone take me from this. Ruined pieces of me. Tattered and tapered for all to see. Laugh and mock, stare and point. Do it. I'll give you pleasure in my pain. Dont go. Its only begun. Marked with scars that I can't count, seeming I've lost count already. Losing seems not such the hardest thing. I've done it countless times. Pressure of which you cannot imagine. I trip and fall against the concrete. Skinned knees and bloody palms. A rough sigh escapes. Only to get up and run once more. I can't let them fall through my reailty. I can't let them say I'm not real. Keep going. Emotional rollercoaster, buckle your seat belt, here we go. Upside down questions and impossible loops of obstacles. Shove me to my own exile. Please. Do it. I'm expecting it. Pushed and shoved lower, over and over again. Its natural. I'm your stepping stool. You don't care for my tears! I should have learned to stop crying them. But again back to your reality. I'm human. Yes. What brings us together but so far apart. Humanity. But who cares for humanity when you let push lead to slap, slap lead to punch. I should have learned my lesson. Once more back to it I come. Love not the world. This is my own lesson. My own writing for future indeavors. Something I'm sure I've noted before, perhaps it just rubbed off my worn hand. Or the pen that marked it slipped away. Existance of all that was once connected to me, gone. How can I imagine this world, my reality, doesn't weave with yours. I'm only trying my hardest...does that count? No! Of course not. It never does.
CTS - 2003 ( Poem rant. )