Sometimes in your life there are people who test your limits and abilities in friendship. Going from a great night, to a emotional wreck. In short, this is how the night has gone, and I owe it to one man. Keisuke Narukage. Thats not even his real name. As far as you readers know, he's just a friend who left. Well wake up. He's not just a friend. He plays a huge fucking importance in the way my friendship and life work out. Because of this man, Cande no longer is able to function right. Because of this man, I started to self mutilate. It's so easy to say that it's his fault, but it isn't. More so his occupation. To all of you out there who think that he's a con? Or because I've told you that? It's a fucking lie. A fucking lie I've told myself and believed because if he was a con then it meant everything wasn't real. I apologize on that matter. I'm hanging by a fucking loose thread. I cried to Stacy over the fucking webcam and she had absolutely no clue who or what I was talking about. I went to Jennifer, who offered as much support as she couuld. I don't know anymore. I love her to much to ever hate her or be upset at her, no matter how much she pushes the limits. I bet you she's laughing now guys, trying to find the worse possible way to hurt me, so I will hate her. But it's not going to happen. But guess what guys? I don't care anymore. Tomorrow afternoon I'm going to call him for real. Forget the fucking lies, forget everything else. I guess you could say that it's given me a sense of demented fucked up reality to be able to lie to my friends and tell them one thing, when it really was another. Brant. Toby. Who ever else. I dont know. I'm confessing to you because I need a favor. Tomorrow afternoon, I am going to call this man. I need morale support. I need a payphone.. and I need a location far from here. 4:00, Toby, Brant, Stacy, and whoever the fuck else, A phone, and nashville or hopkinsville. Gas station, truck stop, rest area. Who gives a fuck. If he really wants to find me, he will. He already has my return address, so I'm fucked, aren't I? I'm sick of her doubting he's real. So once and for fucking doop de do all I'm gonna call. I hurt, but I don't hate.
Courtney