Wow. Hello guys. Mm. He's coming with us to Fort Defiance today. Yes I did notice his depressed state towards the latter part of the night that I was there...and I had to walk away from it. I knew that if I hadn't then I would have gone back to him. I miss it so much... I miss alot of things about him. But I made a promise to myself that I would NEVER put myself through that again....but somehow, I've even broken that to. So I just sigh and make myself miserable because I need to. I need to fucking do it so I KNOW that I've kept myself true. I know it sounds insane. I have so many strong feelings for him but I cant even say them to his face. I'm so afraid that if I do I'll skip every promise to myself and let myself fall back into his arms, his scent, his life. Right now we're friends but Im afraid to see how long that last's. This is entry 256. Can you believe it? Since December of last year I've had this thing...and every last goddamn emotion has gone into here. I forgot to celebrate my 100th entry, then my 200th....and my 250th....heh..so I guess Ill do something big for my 300. God knows that I'll reach that many within the next two months. Dad's coming home from Iraq for two weeks...pending paydays and all that good stuff. In all honesty I dont want him back to watch him just go away again. Its complicated and confusing, but I suppose that Ill live with it. Lately every asian guy Ive seen happens to be Keisuke. :laughs: Oh yeah, wonderful, isn't it? Oh the things I do in my life. Well Im out, I have to finish getting ready. Me, Toby, Brant, Stacy, and Erika are going homecoming shopping for Erika's dress. ^.^ After that we're heading out to Fort Defiance.
Courtney