First off, I thought that friends are suppose to be the one who are most crediable with white lies, In example. ( Your friend dyes her hair a color that you think is hidious. But you dont want to SHOVE THEIR FUCKING SELF ESTEEM DOWN SO LOW IT HITS THE GROUND so you say, "Wow, that looks nice." And then later when shes over the big change you finally tell her you dont like it. Well thanks to some people who aren't the best white liars... I feel like a fucking beautiful person. Note sarcasm if you please. ) And note to Jennifer, since you seem to love shouting out at me in your diary. I have not a problem with your sister. What ever you are hearing from outside sources or whatever, have a distorted view of what Im actually saying. And you, ah, I'm not even going to put into words and make them permenant here what I want to say to you. A. I don't feel like pissing you off and B. I just don't have the energy to fight with anyone anymore. I've used it all up on Ian. Speaking of that.. Him and our last 'day' is today. I promised that we would part on beautiful terms and that friendship would be after this day forward. So I'm hoping for a wonderful night and all. I'm just trying to prevent myself from hurting anymore people. I'm so afraid at the moment of hurting everyone that gets close to me. I'm a danger to myself sometimes even. Who knows. I really want to get a pumpkin right now. I know it sounds crazy, ^^;; lol but I do. My feelings are just mixed like water and oil. Hatred and love. Im sick of the habits I cant break and tired of that which I cant let go of. I'm physically exhausted and know I could sleep the day away if I let myself. But I have things to do, people to see, and thinks to make up with. So I sit here and try to gather myself long enough to just continue onward. Homecoming is tonight, I just seem to have remembered again. It's going to awkward... and I am a little... "afraid" but ahh, I'll get over it. I'll have my Little Miss Sailor Moon with me, If I can't get her out of the 'I'm not going to Homecoming' mode. Fuck if I can do it then I'll be god. I wanted Brant to help me but he's busy with so many things of his own. I'll just do this on my own and see what I come up with. Ive got the rest of the day to just spend away until 4:00-5:00. Then of course my nice little self is going to start getting ready. If its any rebel, I love my Black hair. Thank you. This production was brought to you by the depths of Courtney's mind. Tune in next time in the episode "Last Dance."
Courtney