Listening to more Wolfsheim. Deep lyrics. But we all know that's what I look for in most songs I listen to. Funny they're a german group, like I've mentioned before, but hey, we all can be open.. right? <333
Cande and I seem to be getting closer and closer. That's a good thing. We're on the phone longer, rping on the computer longer, we have more tolerance. I truly missed her when she went to Japan. So I was uber excited when she came back. Such a great feeling. Atleast I'm not so scared anymore. I know I'm being protected.
We called and left Kei a voicemail last night. Yuu texted him earlier. He replied. Hmm. I'm happy that we got somesort of reply. That was a point of happiness for me. To know he was still surviving out there. To know he still was thinking of us. But then again, why would he stop?
I'm still nervous about school, so I doubt that's ever going to change until it starts. I have a christian mob after my friendship that have my phone number. [ :laugh: There'll be more on this story later promise. XD; lmao. ] Mm. The things I get myself into, I swear.
My Mum and Dad went to the mall the other day. Mum picked me up some Hello Kitty lollipops. But the funniest thing about it was they had a MILK flavored lollipop. I was like, "wtf.. no way." But sure enough. Cande was all " TRY IT TRY IT!" while I was on the phone with her.. So I did. And I liked it. Heh. She was like, " Oh man.. that's gross. " But what can I say? My mom always made me drink milk for dinner, so it's not really surprising I took to it.
Looks like I can't go to Maine. -_-;; Damn the world. Talked to Erika and Brant today. Brant was fretting more and more about moving. Erika got her tongue pierced. Scary. >_< :pet pat the Erika: I wish I could see the ocean before school starts.
And I am sorry to say that I broke my cutting record. -.- About two days ago I got grounded to my room for something I didnt do. My mom called me a spoiled brat with no life earlier that day. I was getting yelled at non stop. Everyone was in a bad mood. Every comment out of my mom's mouth was how she hated this place. Everything just sort of bared down on me. No friends. So alone. Having nothing to do but take my mother's yelling directly in the face all day. My father constantly telling me I have an attitude probably. So after seven months of not doing it.. I broke all my promises... I took the razor and brought it to my thigh. The blood spilled.. and immediately there were two feelings. One was a rush/relief much like an opiate. The other.. the deep feeling of regret sinking into my stomache. Does this mean I need to continue therapy? Does this mean that I'm still fucked up? -_-;; I dont know yet. But we'll find out. If I cut again in the next three months, I'll go back to therapy. Promise. Atleast I promise to myself. And if I can't keep my own promises, who will keep their's to me?
Courtney