Wow. I guess what Erika said in her diary hit me a little hard. I'm not quite sure if she's right or she's wrong. For the longest time she meant a lot to me. I mean.. god.. I remember dreaming in the eigth grade about how that when everyone was gone.. her and I would be the bestest of friends in Highschool. Such is not so any more. I mean, things were going great for awhile. But there's just one thing between Erika and I that I could never learn or figure out how to fix. She has a tendency to not want to suggest to do anything. If no one suggests anything to me then I assume that they're either busy or they have nothing to do. I'm not one to get up and visit someone if they're in the middle of something. I mean.. I don't know what I'm trying to say. Erika and I were the same in that aspect of not doing anything unless someone asked us to.. and because we just dont get up and ask people.. this clashed and forced us to crash and burn. I've never had any ill feelings towards her.. and honestly I knew deep down if something serious were to happen to me.. I could come to her. But she seemed busy with Mark and I understood that.. and with her constant disbelief in my 'second reality' what was there to do? I find it difficult to be around people who don't believe in something that surrounds my whole world. We were in the same boat for the longest time while cutting.. and she was one that I could lean on. I tried my best to be a friend, but I know I'm not the greatest person to be friends with.. and often try to attach myself to one person and say fuck you to the rest of the world... I guess Erika? You mean something to me.. not nothing.. so I'm hoping that I mean something to you. I really do care. Call this a crapload of shit, I could care less. Call this a ring around the rosey in the diary hating game. It doesn't matter. You've said your part and I've said mine. We both have our problems... but... if you'd rather not associate or talk to me then just give the heads up.. I wont try to attempt and fix whatever we have. But even then.. you'll still mean more to me then I think you will ever know.. or knew. Closing another chapter of this rejected fucking life.
Courtney